Jay, Hunter of Sues
by Aena Firestar
Summary: The name's Jay. Just Jay. I'm a 17 year old girl who had the unfortunate "Death of a Mary-Sue". The whole cliche car crash thing. Now I'm in Middle Earth, protecting my bros from the Dreaded Mary-Sues. M for language and Sue Death. Let's Hunt Some Sues.
1. Chapter 1 Never in A MILLION YEARS

_Hello Hello all! Back again! But this time, I come with Lord of the Rings! I love Lord of the Rings and this is my first humorous fanfic that I have up and running. I have been wanting to do a Mary-Sue basher for quite some time now and I finally got around to it. I really hope you guys enjoy this. Will post second chapter quickly as well._

**_I ask nicely that you please don't Flame. But I really hope you won't because I havent failed you yet have I? :D_**

_**But if you do, they will be used to roast marshmellows and Hotdogs and whatever else kind of yummy foodstuffs I have lying about.**_

_~Read, Review, Be Merry~_

_~Dora~_

Chapter 1- Never in a MILLION YEARS

Never. Ever. Ever ever ever ever, in a MILLION YEARS would I have seen this one coming...

Nope.

And yet here I was, sitting in the middle of a forest, suffering from the effects of a busted ass.

"Ugh... My butt hurts!" I groaned. I looked down at my jeans and saw a few grass stains on them. I then began to try and scrub some of the dirt and grass off. My jagged bangs hung in my face, but that wasn't anything new. My Vans were still intact and...

Holy shit.

Wait a second... I don't believe it! I'm still in my jeans, my Vans are still on and my hair is still jagged and dirty blonde. But wait.. Oh god.. I slowly reached up and felt the tips of my ears...

Round.

Human.

SCORE!

"Oh my god yes! Thank the Valar! I'm not a Mary-Sue! No long, flowing dress; no yellow, radioactive, magical hair! I'm still me! Oh hell yes!" I stood up, despite my throbbing tail bone, and did my happy dance, which consisted of hopping up and down in a circle and banging my head.

That made a thought come up ... It would be so cool and funny if I taught my favorite characters from Middle Earth how to Mosh!

"Mosh pit in Middle Earth!" I said out loud. I started moshing again.

But then I stopped...

"Wait a second, how did I get here?..." I said to myself. I talk to myself a lot, in case anyone didn't notice. It does help though.

Anyways I started to pace. I find pacing often helps me think...

"Hmm... lets see... Recap..." Oh yeah! That's right! I remember now!... Ohh that perfect, goody two shoes, know it all, B*#$%! Ugh!

Oops... Sorry. You guys are probably wondering about what the hell happened. Well, just sit back and let me tell you, because I remember it all too well now.

_Prepare yourselves, my friends. Its gonna get Suey in this next chapter. -.o But I had fun writing these and will have fun writing this whole story! XD Can't wait to bash and hunt the Sues down! MUAHAHAHAHA! ;D_

_PLEASE REVIEW :D_


	2. Chapter 2 Silverleaf Greenstar? WTF?

_Sadly, I own nothing! Except for Jay and other things you've never heard of before. :P_

_I be warning you. Here, there be a Sue. -.o_

Chapter 2- Silverleaf Greenstar? WTF?

Yep! I remember it clearly now. It was about 7:15 a.m. and I was on my way to school, driving down the road in my Jeep Liberty, blasting out some Huey Louis and the News. The Power of Love, to be exact! I pulled into my favorite Doughnut shop and pulled out three dollars.

I walked into the shop and the girl behind the counter instantly realized who I was.

"The usual? A dozen doughnut holes and a Mountain Dew, right?" she asked with a bit of a Korean accent. Her family owned and ran the doughnut shop and they were Korean, so naturally she had the accent. I nodded at her with a smile and gave her the money. She smiled back and grabbed a white paper bag and went back in the back. I was puzzled at what she was doing, until I saw her fill my bag with fresh, warm, right-from-the-oven doughnuts...

"Oh damn. If I really am in Middle Earth... Which I'm pretty sure I am... Then I am really going to miss doughnuts... And Mountain DEW! Oh god, Mnt. Dew! No! The sweet nectar of the gods! Why?" I cried out. I heard my voice echo around the forest and that's when I came back to my senses, realizing that anything within a five mile radius could have heard that. Ok, mini freak-out over with, back to the reason why I'm here!

She gave me the bag, my Dew, and my change and I thanked her and walked out the door. I jumped back in my Jeep and cut the music back on and drove the rest of the way to school, enjoying my fried sugary bread and my Morning pick me up known as Mountain Dew. It felt good to be a Senior.

"Oh my gosh... None of it matters any more! I don't have to be a slave to high school anymore! I'm seventeen years old and have my whole life ahead of me! Hell YES! I'm staying in Middle Earth. That's that." I said out loud... again..

I pulled into my assigned parking spot and turned the engine off. I stared out and looked at all the students standing in front of the school. I took a deep breath and prepared myself for another day.

"Jay-Jay!" came an annoyingly, high pitched, feminine voice.

Great. My good day just came to a screeching halt. My preparation has crashed and burned and died. I slowly turned my head and looked out of my car window to see her. She waved wildly at me. I rolled my eyes and pulled my keys out of the ignition and stepped out of my Jeep.

"Like, how is your morning so far Jay-Jay?" she said. I cringed. I quickly grabbed my black Kavu shoulder pack. You know the cool new ones that look like back packs? Love those things. I currently have all three Lord of the Rings books stuffed in the biggest pouch.

"Wait a second..." I said to myself again. I looked around the forest floor for my pack. It's gotta be around here some- "Aha! There you are!" I said happily. It was sitting at the base of a tree about five feet from where I landed. I picked it up and brushed the foliage off of it. The weight of the pack still felt the same, so I hadn't lost anything.

I still wanted to make sure though. I zipped it open and saw my three books still intact and looking healthy as ever. My MP3 was also there and my head phones also my cell phone. I shrugged and went on and turned it off. I'm in Middle Earth now and once I find a place to stay and possibly live, I'm cutting all my ties with electronics... Minus my MP3. Gotta keep my music. Anyways Pencils, Sharpies, a mirror, a pen, pepper spray (just in case) and my chap-stick. "Thank god!" Everything seemed to be there. Great! Back to the reason.

"How many times do I have to tell you _Beatrice_? It's just one 'Jay'. Just one! My name is Jay and that is it. Not Jay-Jay!" Just saying the nickname made me cringe.

"Well, like, how many times do I have to tell you Jay? Don't call me Beatrice! I, like, freaking hate that name!" she said all girly and annoyingly. She flipped her hair and rolled her eyes.

Ok, let me just start by saying that Beatrice was the legit human embodiment of a Mary-Sue. She had the looks and everything. The only thing out of place was her awkward name. She told me it was a family name and she hated it with something akin to the 'Fiery horn monster thingy that, like, totally pushes that old guy over the edge of the bridge thingy. You know, Granola Greybeard the Grey or whatever his name was.'

Agonizing, yes?

Mmhmm. Thought so.

Every time I hear her get something from Lord of the Rings wrong, I want to slap the ever living Mordor out of her. It takes my whole will power to restrain myself.

Anyways, her hair was long and golden with even lighter blonde streaks in it and her eyes were a crystal-clear blue. Her skin was that kind of weird, pale color. You know, that kind that 'Makes her glow like the moon in the dead of night.' Yeah, that kind of crap.

Just looking at her made my eyes want to bleed and hearing her voice made my brain want to ooze out of my ears, but unfortunately I am stuck with her. She won't leave me alone and she insists that 'We R, like, totally Bffs!1'.

No.

The only reason why she thinks we are so called 'Bffs' is because she found out that I like the Lord of the Rings movies. Of course, I am a legit diehard Ringer fan and have read all three books more than five times and read the Hobbit three times AND read the Silmarillion three times and the collection of Unfinished Tales at least twice...

Also, the first time she arrived at my school, which was last year, nobody would talk to her and I felt bad for her so I struck up a conversation with her. Just one conversation. Ever since, she has hung around me non-stop. Now that everyone has gotten to know her over a year time span, the school has been split up into two districts.

District One: The boys who swoon over her and her so called 'unnatural beauty' and the girls who are her (quote) Total bffs! (unquote).

Every time I hear the words 'Like, totally or Bff' my eye twitches. Not even kidding. The only time you will ever hear me say that is when I'm quoting _her_. Anyways, back to the Districts.

District Two: Me and the handful of people who are still halfway sane in this school.

Thank god at least some of us are.

I looked at Beatrice who was now leaning against my Jeep. I locked it, then slammed the door, causing her to jump and get off of my car. I didn't want her turning it all pink and sparkly. I liked my greyish blue Jeep Liberty. I started making my way to the front of the school, with Ms. Mary-Sue following close behind. I smirked.

"Yeah, I know you hate the name Beatrice. But what do you suggest I call you today?" Did I mention she changes her name everyday? She bounced up beside me and smiled a perfect smile, showing all of her perfect, white teeth. My smirk vanished and was replaced with a trying-to-hide-it grimace.

Valar help me, she was so annoyingly perfect. I hated her perfectness as much as I hate Lurtz. Stupid bastard Uruk Hai... trying to kill Aragorn... He needs to kill Beatrice is what he needs to do...

Oops, another rant. My apologies everybody.

But anyways her perfectness sickened me. I had braces for a year and a half when I was thirteen. Now I have a small permanent retainer behind my top teeth and my bottom teeth. They are straight and white and very nice, I think.

Ms. Mary-Sue can be perfect all she wants, but I am going to be imperfect, and that is exactly what I like about myself. I like me, and I wouldn't have me any other way! She has radioactive blonde hair highlight things, I have dirty blonde hair with jagged bangs hanging in my eyes and that is exactly how I like it. She has crystal-clear blue eyes that she claims changes color with her emotions (I call bullshit on that) While I have blue-green eyes. She has freakishly pale skin that everyone (Mainly District One) thinks is beautiful (I call bullshit AGAIN) While I just have fair skin. If I'm lucky enough, I'll catch a tan every now and then, but little miss Mary-Sue loves being pale. She says 'Like, it totally looks like elfy skin! Like, all I need now are ,like, pointed ears and stuff!'

If she grows pointed ears I will personally cut them off and feed them to my pet Warg... If I had one. Well, I'm in Middle Earth now! I suppose I could get one! Hmm... *Note to self- Ask someone, namely Elrond and/or Gandalf, if it is legal to have a pet Warg and train him to fight the good fight.*

"I, like, have the most totally awesome perfect name! I think I'll just change my name to this name! I might just, like, keep this name the rest of my whole life!" she answered excitedly.

"Yeah, what ten minutes you have left of your life." I mumbled.

"Huh?" she said with a confused expression. I forced a fake smile.

"Nothing, please continue." I said through gritted teeth. God I think one of my lungs just collapsed.

"Ok! So, like, here is my name. My name is Elyssa Mindalanna Sapphire Silverleaf Greenstar!" I stopped dead in my tracks. This name had to be a new record. All of her other ones had only been three names long or two, but FIVE? Well, I know there are worse out there but I've never actually heard one in real life, only read about them on Fan Fiction. As soon as I see four or more names, I'm out. I hit the back button so many times that it takes me back to the 90's internet.

I slowly turned and looked at her and felt my jaw fall off of it's hinges and hit the ground. What the hell is wrong with her?

"Pretty huh?" she asks with an unearthly sparkle in her eye. The sparkle from her eyes sent a glare and hit me in my eyes causing me to go blind for a second and then have a little dark eye-floater following my pupil out of the corner of my vision. I rubbed my eyes and felt my agitation swell up.

"Five names? Are you freaking kidding me? Mindalanna? Silverleaf Greenstar? Give me a damn break." I said. She still had a smile on her face. Another big difference between me and her. She has five freakin' names with fourteen syllables! (Yes I counted but it's only to prove my point.) And I have one name.

Jay.

One syllable.

Simple.

It's all you need.

"Yeah! Like, you know how Leggy's last name is Greenleaf? Well, I like split his name up and, like, put it with mine! And Mindalanna is, like, an elfish name that I thought was totally pretty! Pretty smart huh?" she said happily. I shook my head and walked away. I'm surprised my brain hasn't turned to gooey mush from hanging around with the real life Sue for this long of time.

I kept running her name over in my head and trying to place the Elvish name and what it means... I'd never heard one like that before... That's when I realized it wasn't a name at all, but two words mistakenly thrown together. I'm sure she did it on purpose, thinking no one would know elvish. But I know a bit of elvish and with the help of my handy dandy cell phone, which has the internet page for the Grey-elvish dictionary saved on it, it was easy to look up and find.

The elvish word _Minda _means conspicuous and the elvish word _Lanna_ means clothing. Conspicuous Clothing. Well, she often does wear slutty clothes sometimes and tries to be all innocent about it. Saw right through that little charade. I smirked to myself as I thought up a good comeback to tell her what her name really meant. I turned around and saw the idiot still standing in the middle of the road. She was rummaging through her purse for something. I was about to give her a very, very smart ass comment... And I had a good comment too, when suddenly I heard the loud screeching of tires. I looked to my left to see a white car heading straight for the idiot at break-neck speed. The driver looked to be unconscious because his head was on the steering wheel.

"Holy shit! Move!" I screamed. I bolted towards her and pushed Beatrice out of the way just in time for her, but I didn't move quick enough for me. Everything turned black and the last image I saw was the car about to hit my legs. I felt no pain, and after the darkness came the light, then the feeling of falling, then the screaming, then the ass busting and the butt hurting.

"And now here I am!" I said aloud again. I took a look around at the forest I was in. Quite beautiful, if you ask me. Birds chirping and such, the bright warm sun shining through the trees. It wasn't hot, nor was it cold. Just right. Spring is what it feels like. I died the supposed 'Death of a Mary-Sue' so...

"If my calculations of Middle Earth, Mary-Sues and Fan Fiction are correct, then I should be somewhere close to Rivendell."

"Right you are, interesting stranger!"

"Holy shit!" I yelled. I felt like I had jumped about five feet in the air. I turned around so fast that somehow I tripped over my own foot and my butt hit the ground again. I closed my eyes and groaned. My tail bone hurt and I think my left cheek has possibly went numb.

"That might leave a bruise." said another voice. I could tell both voices were that of dudes. I opened my eyes and looked up. Two very identical, very dark haired elves smiled down at me, amusment very clear in their grey eyes. Their bows were down and their strings were loose, but they had arrows strung just in case. They didn't seem to be threatening me and I knew exactly who they were too. I stared at them, a little dumb founded.

"Oh god. This is real. Holy fudge this is really real! What th- I know you guys! You're Elladan and Elrohir!" I said with a smile and a laugh.

"The two and only! I'm Elrohir to be exact." said the one on my right.

"And I'm Elladan." said the one on my left.

"And we are the sons of Elrond!" they said together. I couldn't help but smile bigger. My nerdy side was having a freaking field day.

Holy shit.

Holy fudge.

I am actually in Middle Earth. I felt a serious scream of excitement and joy coming... Here it comes!

"SCORE!"

_Hope you enjoyed that guys! I know I enjoyed writing it. ;D _

_Reviews are always welcomed! _

_I don't know if that was an accurate Translation of the Elvish words, but the sight I'm using says it is! But if it is wrong, please forgive me!_


	3. Chapter 3 All I Heard was Nothing!

_Alright. A few disclaimers before we continue._

_I don't own LOTR. If I did, the fellowship and I would be in Disney World right now._

_I don't own Monty Python. If I did, I would have somehow prevented a few of them from dying and would have brought back the Flying Circus._

_I don't own Assassin's Creed. If I did, __Altaïr and I would be ransacking all of my enemies houses. :D_

_I don't own Harry Potter. If I did I'd use Accio for EVERYTHING. Also I'd be best friends with Fred and George! _

_Also, I don't own the awesome band "The Script" or their song "Nothing"._

_On with the story!_

_~Read, Review, Be Merry!~_

_~Dora~_

Chapter 3- All I heard was Nothing!

"Score? Who scored?" said Elrohir. A confused expression graced him and his brother. It was kinda cute.

"Is there a game going on that we are unaware of?" said Elladan. I laughed and shook my head.

"No. Where I come from, it's like saying something is really exciting and fun. It's like a very good part in your life. You understand?" I asked. They smiled and nodded.

"Understood." said Elladan.

"Now, you are dressed strangely and you speak strangely and... wait... did you fall from the sky?" said Elrohir, his smile fading and turning into suspicion.

Oh shit.

Oh HELL no. They think I'm a Sue!

Well... If I lie to them I'll be in deeper shit I suppose. I held my hands up, palms outward to them to show them that I'm not armed or dangerous.

"Ok. Don't Panic." I said slowly, trying to gauge their reactions. They tensed slightly.

Shit...

"Yes. I fell from the sky. But-"

"She's one of them!" yelled Elrohir.

" 'Tis a shame really. I was beginning to like her." said Elladan. The both of them pulled their arrows tight and aimed straight at me.

Point blank.

The whole freakin shebang.

"Ahhh! Holy shit! Valar no! Wait stop! Give me a chance to explain! Damn!" I screamed. The twins exchanged a glance, then looked back at me with identical surprised expressions.

"Did you just say Valar?" said Elrohir.

"Brother... I think this one may be different from the _others_." said Elladan. He spit out the word 'others' like it was something bitter and nasty. I could only assume he meant the other Sues that normally fell into their world.

I nodded wildly.

"Yes! Please just give me a chance. I'll explain everything. I promise!" I said quickly and hopefully. The brothers exchanged a glance and stared at each other for a few seconds, then nodded. Their grey eyes met mine again.

Clearly they did the 'twin mind trick thing' on me and had come to some sort of conclusion...

"The test." said Elrohir with a smirk.

"The test?" I echoed, not entirely sure of myself.

"The test." said Elladan. My eyes widened.

*Insert your choice of DOOM music here.*

Personally I prefer the "DUN DUN DUUUNNNN!"

Oooh! Or Gir's Doom song!

Heh Heh.

Oh wait... Yeah... They have sharp, shiny, pointy things pointed at me. I should probably get more serious and pay more attention...

They still kept their arrows trained on me. I immediately started thinking of and remembering all of my Lord of the Rings and Middle Earth knowledge.

"Answer, we, these questions three, ere Imladris you see." said Elrohir with a somewhat charming smirk. My eyes widened and something akin to a squeal of delight mixed with a burst of laughter erupted from me.

Holy shit they just did a Monty Python reference!

Can my life get any better?

That's it.

I have lived.

I have lived a full life.

If they run me through with a dozen arrows, I will die a happy fangirl knowing I got to hear two of my favorite characters make a fucking Monty Python reference!

AHHH!

Whoo... Ok Sorry... I had to let that out. My fangirl was killing me on the inside.

"MONTY PYTHON!" I screamed. The Elves stared at me. I clamped both hands over my mouth. My eyes darted around.

Damn it. I've probably just sealed my fate.

Elrohir and Elladan exchanged a glance, then smiles slowly started to form on their faces. They both nodded as they eyed me.

"WHAT is your name?" asked Elrohir. I uncovered my mouth and crossed my legs Indian style. I bowed as much as my sitting position would allow.

"The name's Jay." I said with a smile. Elrohir narrowed his eyes. "Oh! Just Jay. Nothing more. Jay. Period." he smiled slightly and nodded his head.

"WHAT is your favorite color?" asked Elladan.

Ooh that one was a toughie. I have a couple favorite but...

"My favorite color, overall, is Blue. But I also like red, orange, green, purple and black." I said with a smile. Elladan smiled and nodded. This wasn't so bad and I felt quite confident... But I remember the crazy old man tripping up Sir Robin with that 'What is the Capitol of Assyria?' question. Then over into the trench he went.

I took this pause to look around for any trenches...

I breathed a sigh and relaxed slightly...

No trenches in sight.

"WHAT," said Elrohir.

"Is the name," said Elladan.

"Of the creator," Elrohir.

God its like watching tennis, looking back and forth between them.

"Of all existence?" they both finished. Oh hell yes. I know this one!

Oh this is so unexpected! There are so many people to thank! J.R.R Tolkien first and foremost. The wonderful book called The Silmarillion. The Elves. The Valar. Bill the Pony.

I stood up and brushed myself off. The twins looked at me warily but their bows were down again. I smiled and crossed my arms.

"Eru Ilúvatar." I said in complete and utter sure-of-myselfness. Elladan and Elrohir's jaws dropped. I smiled. "Good enough for you guys?" I asked.

Oh yeah. I just rocked their worlds.

I feel so awesome right now!

Hell yeah. SO not a Mary-Sue.

They reeled in their jaws and exchanged a glance. They then looked at me and both broke out into charming smiles. They relaxed and approached me. Elladan put a hand on my left shoulder while Elrohir put a hand on my right.

"Welcome to Arda, Jay." said Elrohir.

"I think we are going to get along just fine." said Elladan. Elrohir nodded in agreement and I smiled.

I can't believe this is happening! I just became friends with Elrond's sons! I love these guys. I wish there had been more about them in the books. And hell, they didn't even show up in the movies. (Once again, calling bullshit on that.)

But anyways.

"I'm really excited guys. You have no idea how freaking... amazing and happy and... I just feel so awesome! I can't believe it!" I said with a smile and a laugh.

"Well, start believing it." said Elladan.

"I assume you have nowhere to go, seeing as how you fell out of the sky and into our world." said Elrohir with a smirk. I shook my head.

"Nope. I am a hobo in Middle Earth." I said with a laugh. The twins gave me a curious look.

"Ho-bo?" asked Elladan. I couldn't suppress my laughter, and I _busted_ out laughing.

Ah damn my slang. Oh well. I think it would be cool to teach the twins some slang. I wouldn't mind hearing them say 'Awesome!' every once in a while!

"It means homeless." I said between laughs. They nodded in realization.

"Well, you can stay in Imladris." said Elladan.

"Yes! I'm sure _Ada_ wouldn't mind. Especially since you aren't one of... _them_." said Elrohir.

"Oh don't worry. I will _never_ be one of _them_. Trust me, I hate them as much as you do."

"Oh yes, we will definitely get along. And _Ada_ will not mind in the least." said Elladan.

"I just wanna smash and bash and kill and blood and sharp pointy objects and... Ugh! Especially considering the fact that I have spent the last two _years_ in the presence of one." My eye twitched slightly at the thought of Elyssa... Man...da... whatever Saphir Silverspit Greensnack or whatever the hell her name was.

"What?" said the twins at the same time. Equally astonished looks on their faces and sheer surprise etched in their beautiful grey eyes. I nodded.

"Yeah." I said as I brushed a random fallen leaf off of my grey long-sleeve shirt. I was going to say something else...until I heard it...

And what I heard was nothing...

Ah damn it. Now I got that Script song in my head.

._..And she said nothing. And she said Nothing! All I heard was nothing!_

I shook my head and listened...

Everything just went strangely quiet...

"Um... Guys? Do you hear that?" I said quietly. They looked at me, then at each other, then they tensed slightly.

The wind started to blow. It was a small gust at first, but then it gradually grew.

"Oh no." said Elrohir.

"What? What is it?" I asked nervously. Now my heart was racing slightly. Something was happening.

"Oh Valar. Here it comes! Another one! She's coming!" said Elladan. The twins grabbed my hands.

"Run!" said Elrohir.

Oh shit.

Oh HELL.

Now I knew what they were talking about! And it took me no time to pick up my feet and high tail it out of there! It's a good thing I play ultimate Frisbee and march in the band, else I would not be able to keep up with these long legged elves. We ran a good few feet from the spot where I had landed earlier.

Elrohir let go of me and darted up a tree.

Oh great! Just fucking great! Now I'm screwed.

I quickly grabbed Elladan's arm and stilled him from rocketing up the tree like a Ninja elf.

"Hold up Elladan! I can't climb a tree! What am I gonna do? She's coming and I can't get up in the trees!" Elladan looked at me, then his gaze shifted around to something behind me. I turned around and looked. There was a thicket of bushes and foliage that I could hide underneath. I turned back around to him and nodded. "Got it. I can hide there." I turned around and went to take off, but Elladan grabbed my arm. I turned back around and he unsheathed one of his elven knives and gave it to me.

"Just in case." he said. I grabbed it and then took off again. The wind had increased and something was making a strange noise. It almost sounded like a tornado, but I knew better. The sun was still shining and there were no clouds in the sky. I slid underneath the bushes and proceeded to lay down on my stomach. I scrapped leaves and earth on top of me to give me a bit of camouflage and I threw my hood on.

The hood was attached to my long-sleeve shirt and it was a deep hood, which made me feel freaking awesome.

I have a thing for deep hoods. They make me feel mysterious.

_...And my mates are all there trying to calm me down! Cause I'm shouting your name all over toowwnn!_

Aghh! Shut up brain! I'm in a freaking serious conundrum!

Damn it.

I shook my head again and peeked from the bushes. I could clearly see the spot where I had just been.

I dared a glance up in the tree above me and saw the twins jumping from branch to branch. Each had an arrow ready. I felt an extreme sense of envy towards them.

Damn elves and their damn grace and skill.

Wish I could climb a tree like them...

"EEEEEKKKKKKKK!" came a high pitched, girly squeal. I stopped my complaining and envying.

"What the hell?" I whispered.

"EEEEEKKKKK!1" it came again, but this time a lot louder and a lot closer... it sounded like it was coming from the sky.

I looked up and saw something in the sky. It shimmered and sparkled extremely bright, then suddenly it opened up, like a portal.

Then the screaming came again.

I clutched the hilt of the Elvin knife.

I have no flippin clue how to use this thing!

But then again... I remembered how Altaïr in Assassin's Creed held his short blade.

Underhand position.

Seems legit if it worked for him.

But... he was also a trained killer assassin and a freakin bad ass on so many levels...

Damn it! Now I'm rambling!

Pay attention Jay!

I turned the knife around and held it in the underhand position. I stayed completely and perfectly still as the whatever-it-was fell down and landed right where we had been standing earlier.

I paused and stared at the bundle of white lace that was lying on the forest floor. Rays of sunshine seemed to shine down on it and little sparkles sprinkled down onto it. The birds that were previously chirping in content, seemed to stop in a dead silence. The forest was so quiet that I could just barely and faintly hear the footsteps of the Elvin brothers as they moved from tree to tree...

And that's saying alot.

But then their footsteps ceased as well.

As I stared at the white mess, an overbearing smell of perfume sucker punched me right in the nose.

Damn you Mary-Sues and your overly perfumed selves!

...Did anybody else imagine me shaking a fist with that last sentence or was that just me?

Well, I didn't shake my fist cause this Sue might have freakishly good eye-sight, but just to let everyone know, I would have shaked my fist.

Anyways...

It smelled like what would happen if every scented flower in the world was thrown together in a giant boiling pot. I scrunched my nose up and tried to suppress a cough into my sleeve.

Do elves cough?... Huh...

I slowly craned my neck to spy up into the trees and I could barely see the both of them through the leaves. I had to give them some major credit, they were masters at camouflage...

But then again, they're elves for Valar's sake. Of course they are going to kick ass in everything that they do.

I saw the Brothers cover their noses and mouths with their sleeves as well.

Hey, nobody's perfect... and elves do cough, apparently.

I looked back down at the mess, only to feel that 'nobody's perfect' comment comeback and backhand bitch slap me right in the face.

I saw an "Elleth"... or... What is supposed to be an "Elleth", sitting straight up and rubbing her eyes. Her hair was pitch black as midnight and had a... yellow tint to it? How in the-? Is that even possible?

She removed her hands from her eyes and...

Holy SHIT her eyes were huge!... and... What in the Mordor? Is that?... Gold eyes? Golden eyes? Straight up yellow eyes. Like as in Daffodil, golden, sun, YELLOW eyes.

Sun shine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid Sue's eyes yellow.

Thanks alot, Ron Weasley.

But wait a second...

Oh shit.

From the looks of this 'masterpiece' I'd say she either has control over electricity or fire.

A small gasp escaped from her tomato red lips...

Yeah, I refuse to call them ruby or rose red.

Just- just no.

Hmm... scratch that...

HELL no.

Better.

Like I said, she gasped from her tomato red lips and stared at her hands. She also had that pale skin that was 'Pale as the snow that covers the ice in Antarctica with the moon and the stars and a polar bear thrown in there somewhere.'

Let me just say that if a Mary-Sue was anywhere within a ten mile radius of polar bears, I'm sure they wouldn't even eat her. Even if they were desperate...

But seriously maiming or injuring, on the other hand...

Oh yeah.

I could definitely see that happening.

There was soon a faint buzzing noise and suddenly her hand sparked up, earning a squeak from herself.

HA! I knew it.

Totally called it.

Elemental Mary-Sue. Namely Electricity.

"Boys," I said in barely even a whisper. "I hope you have buckets of water up there with you. Or maybe the Valar will be kind enough to let the bottom fall out and send a down pour of epic proportions."

But then again... My luck always seems to run out at the worst of times.

_**Please Review! I really need some feed-back guys. If I know people are reading this and they actually like this, then it helps me to keep going with it!**_


	4. Chapter 4 Seemed Legit

_Hey can I ask a favor to those of you who are following this story?_

_PLEASE REVIEW! I want feed back so bad guys! I wanna know how this story is!_

_And hell, invite more people to read it! Please just give me some reviews!_

_Thanks!_

_~Read, REVIEW PLEASE, and Be Merry!~_

_~Dora~_

Chapter 4- Seemed Legit

Alright.

So it's the Elf brothers and me against an Electric, Elemental Mary-Sue.

I wanna think we can do this, because all Mary-Sues have either an extremely small, microscopic brain... or, if some get really really lucky, they have half of a brain. So they usually won't see a well formed plan of ambush coming at 'em...

Seems legit right?

But Mary-Sues also have freakishly awesome amazing powers and some insane skills with any kind of weapon.

Once again, calling complete and utter BULLSHIT on that.

Ugh! They are just so damn, sickeningly, perfect. It is not fair in the least bit because I'm sitting here with an Elvin knife, which I have no freaking clue how to use, and little miss perfect is sitting over there with 1.21 Gigawats of electricity coursing through her skin.

Now I'm pissed.

And when I get pissed, I do insane things.

The Electric Sue looked around and a small gasp escaped her lips.

"Wh-Where am I?" she whispered.

Oh gee! I don't know! Maybe you're in some sort of barren wasteland riddled with smoke and ash and maybe the very air you breath is a poisonous fume!...

Wait...

"Oh! It seems as if I have fallen into some sort of mystical forest!" she said in a 'soft melodic voice that put the birds and the whisper of the wind and the falls of Rauros to shame.'

I face palmed.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

This Mary-Sue is one of those self narrating ones that supposedly talk all proper and have the voice of an angel.

Give me a damn break.

I watched her as her giant eyes swept across the perimeter.

Well, now what? Were the dudes making the first move or was I supposed to jump out and create a distraction or what?... It seems we would only have a brief window of time to actually take out the Mary-Sue before she got up and started to walk around in search of her male prey. Also we have to kill her before she finds Rivendell.

Hell, I don't even know what _direction_ Rivendell is in yet.

I looked back up into the trees. For what? I don't know. Maybe some sort of sign from the twins or something?

Hold up...

One of the twins are gone.

Hey! That reminds me of a Chemistry joke that my chemistry teacher told me!

I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones ARGON.

Ha!

One of the twins ARGON.

Heh heh...

Yeah ok, I'm done now...

So, there's only one twin up in the tree and he has his arrow aimed directly on the Sue. I don't know which twin it is, considering that Elladan and Elrohir look exactly alike! Hence the 'twinness' between them.

Maybe the other went off to cause a distraction and I'm just here for back up?... Possibly?

_Thump._

I tensed as I heard the thump come from _behind_ me.

Ohhh good god. What in the crap was tha-

"Mmmm!" I struggled and groaned as a hand clasped over my mouth. What the hell man? Who in the hell is that? "Mfmmph!" I groaned again.

"Shhh..." someone barely even whispered in my ear. "Relax, Jay. It's just me." he whispered again. This time his breath went down my neck and freakin chill bumps came up on my skin.

Hey! I can't help it if that's something that drives me crazy!

So just, you know... Shut up...

He released me and laid down on his stomach beside me. I glared at him.

"Damn it Elladan! Don't do that! First, you scared the crap out of me, and then when you whispered to me, your breath went down my neck causing me to shiver and-" I stopped.

Oh damn.

I just realized what I had said and I felt my face get hot. I glanced at Elladan and all he did was smirk.

Damn elves.

"You enjoyed it." he whispered again.

"You'll never know. That being said, I'm sure that Sue over there will enjoy it too. Especially since she's probably going to start making her way to Imladris in about... Oh, say a minute or two?" I smirked and saw an expression of terror cross over the Elf's face. "Now, what the hell are you guys doing? Whats the plan?"

"Well, we were hoping you could distract it so Elrohir could shoot it, then I can chop off it's head."

It.

Heh heh.

It.

Not her! Not she! Oh no no no. It.

HA!

I smiled and tried to hold back a fit of laughter.

I'm pretty sure that just made my day.

"Well, I can distract.. it.." I laughed. That was just so funny! "But I have no clue how to use this knife. I think you should take it back. She'll trust me better and won't see me as a threat if I don't have it with me." Elladan nodded.

"Alright." I gave him the knife and took a deep breath.

"Be ready for anything. And be ready to pull me out if I start screaming and running in a circle." I looked at Elladan, who smiled.

Hey! I was being serious!

"Elladan, I'm serious! I don't want that... _thing_ infecting me!" I whispered harshly.

"Oh no! We certainly don't want that. We need someone like you, Jay. One of us will come to your aid if need be." he said. I nodded.

"Right. Here I go."

"Good luck!"

I got up on my hands and knees, but kept low to the ground and crawled out from the thicket. I ran around a tree so it would look like I had fallen out of the portal with her. I stood up and put a hand on my head and a hand on my back. I walked out in front of her.

"Ohhh man that is going to leave a serious mark!" I groaned. I rubbed my head and my back. The Sue stood up. Her large eyes studied me and made me just a tad bit scared for my sanity. "Are you not hurting?" I asked.

Good. Didn't stutter. Maybe I can pull this off.

"No. Of course not! I'm not hurting in the least!" she said with a giant, pearly white smile.

The gleam from her teeth alone nearly knocked me on my ass.

Ugh.

I forced a smile.

"Well...that's good..." I said slowly. There went my lung again, collapsing as I said something good about a Mary-Sue.

"Hark! Pray tell! Do you know of where we are?" she said.

"We're in Arda." I said. I mean, wasn't it obvious?

She stared at me for a second... then her expression changed. Her eyebrows furrowed together and she made an angry face. I took a step back.

"WHAT?1" she screeched. I _jumped_ back.

"What?" I asked.

"Like, WHAT THE HELL IS ARDA?" she yelled again. I crossed my arms and smirked on the inside.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Sue.

"Arda is another name for Middle Earth, dumb ass." I said coolly. Her eyes widened (which made them look like pool balls on her face.)

"Like, OMG. You don't have to use such language! I like totally knew what Arder meant." she said, sticking her nose in the air and smiling.

"Psh... Yeah right." I mumbled. She gave me an angry look.

"Like, who are you? Were you sent here to, like, guide me to Rivendale and stuff?"

I blinked.

"I wouldn't take you within a hundred leagues of that city."

Yes! Aragorn quote! It's been modified a bit, but you get the gist of it.

"Like, why not? It's, like, my destiny to travel to Rivendale because Lord Elrond is like, my long lost father and junk so he's going to send me with the Fellowship. And like Ary and I are supposed to fall in love!"

Now I wish I had kept that knife. It can't be _that_ hard to stab someone right?

"Ok. FIRST of all, it's spelled _Rivendell-_"

"Second of all, my father does not have a long lost daughter." said Elladan as he emerged from the bushes. I was surprised at first, but apparently he had had enough. Both of his knives were drawn and he gripped them tightly. He had a very determined look on his face.

The Sue let out some sort of squeal of excitement that made me want to bury my head in the dirt.

_Thump._

Oh please let that be Elrohir that just dropped down behind me.

"And third of all, Estel is with Arwen. We will not have a harlot, such as yourself, trying to mess up his relationship." Yep. That's Elrohir!

"Oh! My brothers! My Elvin kin! How I have missed you so!" she said, slipping back into her fake angelic voice. She rushed forward, which caused me to move backwards. I stood between the twins now and the Sue stopped in her tracks.

Elrohir's bow was strung and aimed right between her freakishly large eyes (I'm surprised there was space between her eyes) and Elladan was in a battle stance with his swords poised and ready.

I was in between them with no weapon what so ever... So, I did the first thing that came to mind...

I put my hands up and got into a fighting stance.

Awkward!...

Her eyes fell on me first and she snorted.

"Like, what are you gonna do, like geek me to death?" she said. I looked at Elrohir then at Elladan. They both smiled.

I put my fists down and casually strode up to her.

I smiled.

"Yes."

I balled up my fist and punched her in the jaw!

Oh HELL yes! That felt SO GOOD!

She screamed and stumbled back. Her eyes watered and her cheek turned reddish purple.

Ok, my dad taught me how to fight. And I have been in a couple of school yard rumbles in my four years of high school and I've always won or got the last, epic hit in. My dad always taught me not hit someone unless they hit me first...

Well, in this case, I'm sure its alright to bend the rules a little. I mean, she did insult my geeky nerdiness. Which I love! That's one of my favorite qualities about myself.

I looked at the Sue and watched her raise up and look at me.

"You bitch!" she screamed.

"Hey! You deserved it!" I screamed back.

Then I heard a crackle.

The Sue screamed, lifted her hand and shot a lightening bolt at me!

"Holy!-" I screamed as I felt the volts hit my chest. I flew off of my feet and through the air and my back hit a tree.

Shit. I forgot about the damn element power she had.

I slid down the tree, half dazed. My skin was tingling and my heart felt like I had just snorted some cocaine. Black spots crept into the side of my vision.

I heard shuffling and running.

"Jay! Jay, can you here me?"

"Come on Jay wake up!"

It was the twins.

"E...Elladan? Elrohir?" I squeezed out. I tried to focus on them, and my eyes fell on the Sue behind them. She had both of her hands crackling with electricity...

And she was getting closer.

I snapped out of my haze.

"MOVE!" I yelled. The twins split and I ducked and rolled over and heard the electricity split the air.

What the shit is this chick's problem?

I shot up and looked at the tree. It was black and charred.

"1.21 Gigawats!" I yelled all hysterically. I'm pretty sure my hair was all disheveled to.

"Don't fight me, brothers! I am your long lost sister!" she said sweetly.

"Kill it! Kill it NOW!" screamed Elladan to his brother. Elrohir strung his bow tight and shot.

It landed right in the center of her chest.

Her eyes widened and she gasped as she looked down. She had a surprised/betrayed look on her face. Everything seemed to slow down... then I saw her expression change. She got angry and her eyes shined as her hands powered up.

I knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

I shot up and ran over to Elladan, grabbing his knife and running towards the Sue.

As I got closer, I felt the energy in the air get heavier.

She stared at me.

I ran up three feet in front of her.

"Like, what are you gonna do, geek?" she hissed. The gears in my head started to turn.

Water and electricity don't mix.

Valar, I hope this works.

I moved closer to her... Then spit on her.

"EEEEEWWWWW!_eleventyone_!" she screamed.

Distraction!

I held the knife like a bat and rose it up behind me.

I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth and swung!

I felt the knife hit the intended target... Then I heard something drop to the ground... just as I had hoped.

I opened my eyes and looked in front of me.

The headless body of the Sue stood right there in front of me.

I let out a short scream and stepped back... then I saw the head lying on the ground beside the body. A surprised expression was etched into the face of the Sue.

"HOLY- SONNOFA- OH MY-" I couldn't finish my exclamations. I was so freaking shocked!

I've never beheaded someone before! I mean Holy Shit! This isn't an everyday thing for me!

"Jay..." came two voices. I turned around and saw the twins staring at me.

"I... I'm sorry! I was just so pissed off and... she was gonna kill us and...I mean... it worked didn't it?" I stuttered. The twins looked at each other, then back at me and they _smiled_.

They actually _smiled_.

"That was great!" said Elladan.

"After all, it is really the only way to kill a... What did you call them?" said Elrohir.

"Mary-Sue..." I said quietly, still a bit shocked.

"Yes, a Mary-Sue such as this. The Elemental ones are powerful and require a serious blow to finish the job." he continued.

I glanced back at the remains of the Sue.

Suddenly, the body and the head shimmered, then bursted into sparkles and flowers and pink things. Absolutely no trace of the headless homicide that I just committed was left... And I really couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief.

Oh my Valar. It has been one hell of a morning.

_REVIEW. :D They make me happeh! Please? I'll...I'll give you Legolas! I'll FedEx him to you and make Aragorn be the delivery dude! :D Satisfactory, yes?_


	5. Chapter 5 Achievement Unlocked!

_YES! Reviews! Yay! Thanks so much guys! I love yall! You shall receive Legolases! :D _

_Thank you **ProudMudblood42**! I'm glad the story kept you laughing! Goal accomplished! ;D_

_Thank you **Pinfeather** for the very helpful advice. I've tried to follow it and I hope this chapter is satisfactory for you. I'm glad it made you smile as well, my fellow Geek. :)_

_And last but not least, Thank you butterflyninja935! You will get your Legolas! ;P I'm glad you think its funny! I must be doing something right!_

_Here is the New Update!_

_Enjoy!_

Chapter 5- Achievement Unlocked!

Well, that was rather interesting... My first beheading! ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

"Ow! Oh yeah! Jay. J-A-Y. Making Middle Earth a safer place for males, one Sue at a time." I said happily. I laughed, flipped the knife in the air and caught it by the hilt! Yeah, surprised to see that I'm not feeling guilty any more? Well you shouldn't be because I'm sure you'd feel awesome too if you just saved half the male species. Even if it was for a short while, they can do their manly things in piece... For a time. " 'Ho yeah! I can't help but feel this sense of Awesomeness surrounding me."

"Awesomeness?" asked Elladan.

"Yes. I'm curious as to what it is as well, but we must head back to Imladris and tell father what has happened." said Elrohir. Elladan nodded.

"And get Lady Jay settled in." I glared at Elladan.

"Oh no. Oh no no. I _refuse_ to be called _Lady_. It's just Jay." I growled. The twins looked at me.

"Strangers will call you lady." pointed out Elladan.

"Our father probably will as well." said Elrohir.

"Well... Ok I guess. But I will not have my friends addressing me as _Lady_ anything. Just call me Jay. It's not hard. We are friends after all right? What with all the hell we just went through and witnessed." I said as I looked back and motioned to the now dead and headless Sue... or... _Where_ the Sue _had_ been. Now, there was just an empty spot with very sparkly grass.

As I stared at the grass, something caught my eye. It was shimmering brightly in the sunlight. It looked silvery and polished. Jewelry maybe? There's no telling what sort of memento this Sue had. All Sues have some sort of very, very, shiny, expensive piece of Jewelry that they acquired either from a past lover, an Adult who cares for them, dead mother/father or some other important person. Having a special piece of jewelry does not make you a Sue, however. I've seen author's characters who kick ass and AREN'T Mary-Sues and they have special jewelries.

But I digress.

I kept my eyes on the shiny whatever-it-was and slowly approached the spot where the Sue had fallen.

"Yes. I agree, _mellon_ _nin_." said Elladan. I stopped and looked at the twins. They smiled and I smiled back. I was having a hell of a time beating back my inner fan-girl though...

'THE TWINS JUST SAID I WAS THEIR FRIEND! THEIR MELLON! AHHHH!'

'HEY! Shut up and pay attention! Don't embarrass yourself! Besides, there is still a shiny object lying in the grass that needs inspecting!'

I calmed down.

Phew... Close one... Thanks Logical side.

"Thanks guys. And yes, I know what _mellon_ _nin_ means. I know a few elvish phrases, but I'm afraid you might have to teach me the rest."

"Well then, let us be off home, so we can start teaching you!" said Elladan.

"Wait just a second, guys. There's something lying in the grass over here. I wanna take a look." I looked back over towards the sparkly grass and walked over to it. I heard the twins following me. I knelt down and looked at the object.

It was a ring.

Surprise Surprise!

But this wasn't just any ring, this ring was silver and had elvish lettering written around it and it had an oval cut sapphire on it. All in all, the ring was beautiful. I have to admit.

"It's a ring!" I said. The twins knelt down on either side of me.

"Interesting. It has elvish lettering on it too." said Elrohir suspiciously.

"I wonder what it does?" said Elladan.

"Maybe we could take it to your father? He knows about Mary-Sues doesn't he? Maybe he could decipher what sort of power this ring has." I said.

"Lets just hope its not a replica of the One Ring." said Elladan.

"Or its twin or something crazy like that." I added. The twins nodded. I took a deep breath and reached out for the ring.

"Careful! It could be a trap." said Elrohir.

"Hmm... Good point... Hand me on of your arrows." I said. Elrohir reached behind him and gave me an arrow. It was long and thin and the tip of it was silver while the feather shaft was white. It was beautiful.

"Quick question... Why do you guys make the arrows so beautiful if its going to be imbedded in an orc's skull anyways?" I rose an eyebrow as the twins smirked at me.

"So they will know it was an elf who killed them." said Elrohir. I nodded.

"That makes sense." I turned my attention back to the ring and stretched the arrow out to it. I hooked the ring onto the tip of the arrow and I wiggled the ring down a bit further onto the arrow head, so it wouldn't fall off. "There. No touchy." I said smiling as I thought of The Emperor's New Grove.

"Good. Now, let us return home." said Elladan. I nodded and we all stood up.

"Lead the way, dudes." The twins give me another puzzled look. I laughed. "Ok ok. I'll make you guys a deal. Teach me elvish, and I'll teach you some of my slang from where I come from. Ok?" I say with a smile. They look at each other, nod, smile.

"Deal." they both say.

"But, we will be teaching you more than just our language." said Elladan.

"We will teach you how to Sword fight," said Elrohir.

"Archery," said Elladan.

Here we go again... Watching tennis...

"Knives too." take a guess on who said that... Elrohir! You got it right! Yay!

"Also climbing trees." Elladan smirked at me on this one and I heard Elrohir snort. I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, yes. Make fun of the human who can't climb a tree. It's not my fault that no one ever taught me!"

"We aren't making fun of you! It's simply an observation." said Elladan, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"Uh-huh. Yeah, right. Now shut up and take me to your leader!" I said with a smile. The twins laughed and shook their heads. They turned around and began to walk and I fell into step between them.

We walked in silence for a few minutes and I had lots of thoughts and questions running through my head, but my biggest question was what day is it? What YEAR is it? And... and also what verse are we going by? Movie-verse or Book-verse? Or a combination of both...

I glanced at the twins. I certainly couldn't ask them that. How were they supposed to know? But I could ask for the date.

Simple... I think... The shock of the date could possibly kill me... or make me pass out.

This could either be a good thing or a bad thing...

I looked down at the ground and watched the leaves pass underneath my feet.

I took a deep breath.

Prepare yourself Jay. Expect the unexpected! This might not be what you think it is...

Ok...

"So... Um... guys?" I started. The Elves looked at me. "What year is this?... Exactly?"

"It is April 22, 3017." said Elladan casually.

Ok.

...

WHAT THE SHIT? THAT IS THE RANDOMEST DATE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! I mean how in the-? What the fuck-? What the hell am I supposed to DO?

I'm not even anywhere NEAR 3018! That's where all the shit goes down! Ugh!... Nothing happens in 3017!... I don't think... Ok. Just calm down Jay. There is a reason for everything. Obviously the Valar know what they are doing. Maybe they sent me here for a purpose! I'm supposed to wait it out! Yeah, that's it! Wait it out!...

Or maybe it was a huge mistake and I'm not even supposed to be here or... or...

"Oh my gods..." I whispered. "I am so fucking screwed!"

"Beg your pardon?" said Elladan. He rose an eyebrow and reminded me of his father for a second. The Lord Elrond in the movie had his eyebrow in a freeze frame. One was always up in that 'Hardcore ponderer' look.

"Nothing, Elladan. I... Just have to get used to this is all." I've got a long way to go...

Elladan put an arm around my shoulders.

"Elrohir and I will help you through this. You can live in Imladris with us! You'll love it there, Jay." Elladan smiled and looked at his brother.

"And you'll get to meet our sister, Arwen! And our father-"

"Lord Elrond." I said with a smile. They nodded.

"Exactly! Not to mention you get to meet Estel. You'd love him." said Elladan. I smiled. Of course I'm gonna love him! Aragorn is my favorite! I think it would be really awesome to meet Arwen too. She seems so nice, and Lord Elrond... He's just a freakin baller. I smiled at the twins.

"You know what? You guys are exactly right. I have nothing to worry about and I have lots of new things to learn and discover. My new life starts today! Thanks for cheering me up guys."

"Any time, Jay." they said together.

I smiled and felt my excitement grow with every step we took.

_Sorry if it was a little short guys. But I hope you liked It! Please Review! I Love my feedback!_

_Sneak peak of next chapter- Jay and the Twins run into a certain Balrog slayer and Jay gets her first eye-full of Rivendell! :D_


	6. Chapter 6 Paradise

_Hey Everybody! Whats up? Sorry I haven't been able to post in a while. I got a job at Sonic! I'm a carhop! XD Anyways._

_I don't own the song "Time Warp" or the song "Paradise" by Coldplay. (I LOVE COLDPLAY) O.O_

_Yes, well anyways... I don't think I have any announcements to make... _

_I don't own LotR. Only stuff you've never heard of. :P_

_Well, here you go!_

_~Read, Review, be Merry!~_

_~Dora~_

Chapter 6- Paradise

"_LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAIIIINNNN! LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAAIIIIN!"_

Yes! Freakin love that song!...

… And yes, this song has been in my head since I found out that the year is 3017. The song seems very appropriate for the situation, I think.

Don't question my Logic! Either I've gone 'round the bend or... or I'm just very happy and in a good mood.

"_Its just a jump to the left!_"

I glanced at the twins. They were walking a few paces ahead of me. A smile spread across my face. I stopped in my tracks and jumped to the left!

"_And then a step to the riiiiiight!_"

I stepped to the right!

"_Put your hands on your hips!_"

"And bring your knees in tiiight!"

The twins stopped and turned around.

"Jay? Is something wrong?" asked Elrohir. I snapped out of my song and dance and realized that I had actually sang that last verse out loud. I looked down at myself and saw my knees in and my hands on my hips.

I must look like an unbelievable idiot.

Damn it!

I jerked apart and stood up straight. I rubbed the back of my neck and shook my head.

"No! No, nothing's wrong! Everything's cool! Is something wrong with you?" I asked them. They eyed each other then looked at me again.

"No, nothing is wrong. You were just standing in a... most awkward position." said Elladan. I blinked and then closed the distance between the twins and I.

I tried to shrug off my embarrassment, but failed as I felt my cheeks literally burst into flame.

"Yeah? And?" I said as casually as possible.

There was a bit of an awkward silence...

"Alright! Well, lets get to Rivendell shall we? I'm dying to see it!" I said to them. They smiled and nodded.

"It's not far. We are almost there." said Elladan.

"Sweet!" I said with a smile. I am trying so hard to contain my excitement, really I am. I just CANNOT WAIT! Oooh I hope it's as pretty as the movie portrayed it to be! Or maybe it's even prettier! Oh my gosh so many things!

"So, can you guys describe in words how beautiful Rivendell is to me? Or is that even possible?" I asked the twins.

"Thought you would never ask." said Elladan.

"But to answer your question. Rivendell is immensely beautiful." said Elrohir.

"Wait! No! Stop right there." I said to Elladan. I knew he was about to add something after his brother. He closed his mouth and literally stopped. "Don't tell me. I've changed my mind. I want to be surprised. Never mind. Lets go!" I said. Elladan nodded and smiled at his brother. They continued to lead the way.

I glanced down at the arrow that was clutched in my hand. The ring was still wedged down on to the arrow head and wasn't going anywhere.

I stared at the ring.

Huh.

'Tis a strange fate that I suffered so much electric shock and ass hurting over so small a thing... Such a little thing...

Whoa... Ok. Back up. Not going into Boromir mode.

Don't get me wrong, I love Boromir. The dude is an honorable guy and a great fighter and he's really nice to the hobbits, but the ring drives him insane. It isn't his fault though... And even though this isn't THE One Ring, a SUE Ring is just as bad. There's no telling what kinda spell/enchantment/power this thing has on it. I mean look at those elvish markings! And that unnaturally shiny sapphire! Gees.

I shook my head and payed attention to where the twins were going.

….

And we're walking! And we're walking!... And walking!... And walking some more...

No. I am not going to complain about walking. My dad and I used to go on hikes! With backpacks on our backs! This is easy compared to that. Plus there aren't any briars or brambles to get scratched and caught in.

No, I just admired the scenery. So far it was just forests as far as I could see. The trees were tall and beautiful and green. The wind blew slightly causing the trees to rustle, as if whispering to each other.

Man, I really loved that sound.

The forest floor was covered in thick foliage. No roots stuck out of the ground and there were no mud holes. I was wearing my favorite pair of Vans and even though they had a few rips and small holes in them, I didn't want to _add_ to that collection. Plus they had Sharpie writing all over them. Lots of my friends initials and some random inside jokes.

But there I go again, drawing away from the beauty of this place.

My most sincerest apologies!

I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled the fresh are and the faint scent of flowers. Spring was definitely in the-

"Ah... Ahh... AH-CHOO!" Oh good Valar in heaven!

"Bless you." said both of the twins. I smiled and sniffed.

"Thanks guys. It's just allergies. Nothing to worry about. Happens to me around this time every year."

"Al...err-gees? What is that?" said Elladan, testing the word out. I laughed.

"Allergies are... Well, a form of irritation. It's nothing major. The dust in the air causes minor irritation to the eyes, causing them to water, and the nose, causing sneezes and sniffles." Oh good lord. I sound like a Nasonex commercial.

"Oh I see! A few of us have that. Not many. It is usually the humans that get the irritation." said Elrohir. I nodded.

"I figured it would be a rarity for elves. Spring fever is common amongst humans."

"Indeed." said Elladan.

Suddenly the ground changed underneath me. It became somewhat rocky and pressed in, like a pathway.

I looked up and realized we were on the side of a mountain. The trees came to an abrupt end and a pathway curved around.

Holy shit.

Was this it? Was it right around that corner?

The twins continued walking around the corner and I lost them out of my sight. I stayed rooted to the ground. Holy shit. Am I ready for this? I'm about to see RIVENDELL for Valar's sake. This is like a nerd's heaven right here! Am I gonna pass out?

"Jay?" Elladan appeared and walked up to me. I shook my head.

"Yes Elladan?" I asked. He smiled.

"Are you ready to see our home? Your new home?" he asked.

Home.

Huh. That's weird. Home. It isn't a broken word here, but back in my world it is. I have a broken home. Parents are divorced. My mom took the ME part out of home, meaning myself, and Dad took the HO part out of the word. I guess for him it meant Head Out...

Don't get me wrong, I still love them both but... It just won't be the same ever again. Neither have much time for me... or... DID have much time. Both had busy jobs and I was college hunting... Hmm... Guess it doesn't really matter anymore.

"Come on Jay." said Elladan. He gave me a sweet smile and held his hand out to me. I looked at his hand, then looked up at him. His smile was inviting and his grey eyes were warm.

A smile slowly spread across my lips.

"I'm ready." I said. I took Elladan's hand, which was warm and strong and smooth but he is an _elf_ after all. No surprise there... But it gave me comfort.

We walked out on to the path. I saw Elrohir waiting up ahead for us. He glanced behind him then looked at me. Elladan and I came closer to him. Elrohir smiled.

"Welcome to Rivendell, Jay." he said. I rounded the corner and...

….

"Oh. My. Gods." I whispered. The view was perfect and somehow, I realized where I was. In the movie when it shows that great scene of Rivendell and you see the little horse rider guy on that mountain path over to the side...

Yeah.

That's where I'm at.

Oh! New song just popped into my head!

Ooooh, and it's a good one too. Very appropriate for the situation.

"_Para-Para-Paradise! Para-Para-Paradise! This could be Para-Para-Paradise! OhhhooohhhoooohhOOhhhooooh!"_

I LOVE that freakin' song! Coldplay is amazing. I love Coldplay. Coldplay is awesome.

"Come! Let us begin our trek again." said Elladan... Or maybe it was Elrohir... Crap I've lost count of whose who... damn it...

"Alright! Lead the way El...aa...-"

"Elrohir." he said with a small smile.

"Right! I knew that." I mumbled.

"It's alright Jay. People get us confused often." said the other one. Elladan! I smiled at him.

"Hail! Elladan! Elrohir!" yelled a strong voice. It came from behind us. The three of us turned around to see an elf riding a white horse. He had long, golden blonde hair and wore a velvet grey cloak. His hood was pulled up and he had a white bow slung over his shoulder. He galloped up to us.

"Whoa Asfaloth..." said the elf-

Wait... Did he just say _Asfaloth_? As in Glorfindel's horse?... HOLY SHIT! Is this Glorfindel? I felt my eyes widen and my jaw drop.

"G-Glorfindel?" I squeaked out. He rose an eyebrow at me.

"That is indeed my name. Elladan, Elrohir, who is this young girl?" he asked.

"Her name is Jay." said Elladan. Glorfindel narrowed his eyes at me. Ahh shit not again.

"Is she one of-"

"OK! Hold it _right_ there, Balrog Slayer. My name is Jay. Just Jay. One name. Not five. Also, I know who you are. Glorfindel. Your name literally means 'Golden Haired'. Also, Balrog Slayer, House of Gondolin. Yeah. I know who you are. And I know where we are. We are in Arda. The name of the creator of all things is Eru Iluvatar. Yes, I fell from the sky but I am _not_. I _repeat_ NOT a Mary Sue. I am not one of those long haired, bug eyed, rainbow eyed, all powerful, idiotic females. No. I, my dear elf lord, am a Ringer." I crossed my arms and cocked my hip, staring at the elf.

Ok, don't get me wrong. I am in no way self-centered but... That was like a Braveheart speech for nerds. I feel pretty awesome right now. Someone should applaud!

Glorfindel's wise eyes stared at me. Just like Tolkien described them. Bright and keen. His voice like music and his hair like gold. Suddenly a small smile broke out on his lips.

"Welcome to Arda, Jay. And welcome to Rivendell, for I see that is where you are headed." Ahhh that voice. Elves are beautiful in everything they do, even speech.

"She has no where to go. She needs a place to stay and live. We are taking her to Ada." said Elrohir.

"I will accompany you, then. Come! Let us be off. It is nearly lunch time." said Glorfindel with a smile.

Don't squeal... Don't squeal... Whatever you do, DO NOT SQUEAL... Grrr...aghhhh! Eeeeekkk... Ugh... Ok. Urge to squeal: evaded.

Gahhhh! Oh my GAWSH it's Glorfindel!

He urged Asfaloth on in front of us. The twins behind him and me behind them.

"_Para-Para-Paradise! Para-Para-Paradise!..."_

_REVIEW. :D Pleeeaaassseee?_


	7. Chapter 7 Say what you need to Say!

_Hey everyone! Here's the next chapter of our favorite sue-hunter!_

_**Now its time to get serious.**_

_**I know a lot of you know about the petition for fan fiction. If you don't know about it, tell me in a review and I'll send you a link so that you can sign it.**_

_**My biggest fear right now is that my stories will be deleted and I will be kicked out. I rated this story M to warn people. This has a lot of violence and cussing in it, but I've already warned everyone about it! It is their own choice if they want to read it or not!**_

_**My other two stories are in danger as well: "Assassin's Creed: Assassin's Heart" and "The Eagle and The Falcon" **_

_**I hope that my favorite website won't ban or purge my stories, and I hope that all of you agree that fan fiction is freedom of press and speech. **_

_**Our motto is "Unleash your imagination"**_

_**How can we if our imagination is chained down by strict rules and filters?**_

_**I hope all of you out there will help the cause and fight the man. Now, I'm done and I'll get off my soap box now so we can get on to the chapter. :)**_

Chapter 7- Say what you need to Say!

We were making our way down the mountain path and on down to Rivendell... And I couldn't stop staring.

No!... staring isn't the right word...

Gaping? Gawping? Yes... I like that one... Gawping... Is that even a real word? Well if not then I'm making it a word.

I couldn't stop gawping at Glorfindel... Or Asfaloth. The movie did the horse no justice. His body was the whitest of whites and seemed to shimmer in the sun. His main and tail seemed to be wrought out of pure silver. You could definitely tell that he was an immortal Elvish Stallion.

"Something catch your eye, Jay?" said Elrohir from beside me.

"Asfaloth is a god." I simply stated. Elrohir chuckled.

"I'm not entirely sure what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything, for he is my horse." said Glorfindel. He turned his head around and looked at me with a knowing smile. I shrugged.

"What can I say? Your horse is amazing. I'm just being honest." Asfaloth's head turned in my direction. I walked up to him and he snorted at me. "It's the truth! You're gorgeous!" I said. Asfaloth nuzzled my neck and I smiled and patted his neck. He then started to prance.

Yep!

I shit you not, my friends. This horse is smart. He stopped walking and started _prancing_.

"The horse is just as arrogant as you are, Glorfindel." teased Elladan.

"Well... I think the guy has a right to be arrogant. I mean... he did slay a Balrog and all." I pointed out. Both of the twins groaned and did an Elvin version of a face-palm.

I don't really know how to explain that... They smacked their foreheads and drug their hand down their face.

Heh heh. That was kinda funny.

"What?" I asked.

"You started it." said Elrohir in a fake dramatic tone.

"That Balrog did not have the slightest idea of whom he was dealing with." said Glorfindel. That was just the fancy elvish way of saying 'That Balrog didn't know what hit him.'

Oh this should be fun! And I can translate!

"I wouldn't doubt it, bro. The battle seemed pretty epic from what I've read or heard about it." I said.

"Jay! Stop while your ahead!" whispered Elladan.

"Nonsense! If the child has questions for me then let her ask them! I'd be happy to answer anything, Jay." he smiled. Translation: 'Sure! I'd love to brag about myself!'

Heh!

"Was it... um... whats a good word... Frightening?" I asked. I was gonna say scary but... I don't know if that word is invented yet...

"I would have been a fool not to be frightened. But I pushed on, knowing I had to vanquish this Balrog of Morgoth." Translation: 'I kicked his ass.'

"Well it sounds epic. I would have loved to witness the battle." The twins looked at me uneasily... wait... "What?" I asked. I looked up at Glorfindel. He seemed to have a troubled look on his face.

"It was not as glamorous and thrilling as you would think, Jay. In the end I paid a heavy price."

Oh. Shit.

Ahh gees. CRAP! I forgot that Glorfindel DIED. Damn it!

"Oh my god... Glorfindel... I... I don't know what to say. Please forgive me. I forgot that you... um..."

"Died?" he looked at me and gave me a soft smile. "It is alright Jay. There is nothing to forgive. I understand this must be different for you." I nodded.

"Yes sir... Or... My lord." I stuttered and felt my cheeks go red. He laughed again.

"Glorfindel. No need for formalities." I nodded.

"Right. Yes sir. If you say so."

"Now. I have a question for you, Jay." he said with a slight smile.

"What's up?" I asked. He gave me a puzzled look, then turned his face to the sky...

"The sky? Clouds? The Sun?" He looked back down at me. "Can you not look up?" he asked. The twins stared at me. All three of the elves had a very curious, kinda cute look on their face. I laughed.

"I keep forgetting about my slang. 'What's up?' is just another way of saying 'What is it?' or 'What would you like to ask me?' I've just gotten into the habit of saying it. I'm sorry. It's going to take a while for you guys to learn my way of speaking." I shook my head. "But anyways, what is your question?" I looked at Glorfindel. He nodded his head at me.

"Why do you carry that arrow with you?"

I tensed a bit and glanced at the twins. They nodded.

"Well... um... You see, there's a ring on the end of this." I held the arrow up to Glorfindel and he inspected the ring. He reached out to it. "DON'T TOUCH IT!" I yelled. I jerked the arrow back and Glorfindel looked at me in surprise.

"If you want to keep your soul, you would do well not to touch it." said Elladan.

"Why? What is so evil about this ring?" said Glorfindel in a grave tone. "And why are we bringing it to Rivendell?"

"Ok. Don't freak out... But... This ring belonged to a Mary-Sue." Glorfindel's eyes widened.

"Those wicked beings! Why would you bring such an object to Rivendell?" he yelled in surprise. I groaned.

"I asked him not to freak didn't I?"I said to the twins.

"We figured Ada could have a look at it! He knows more about these things than we do." said Elrohir.

"And we don't want anyone touching it because we don't know what it does." said Elladan.

"That's why I wedged it onto an arrow. For safety reasons." I said. "That way no one would touch... it..." I faded off as we stopped. The bridge to Rivendell lay right at my feet. I could hear the water falls roaring below us. Birds chirped and the wind blew softly. The sun shown down onto the great fortress. Everything seemed to shimmer in a golden light.

I felt my jaw drop.

"Oh. My. God. Somebody pinch me." I muttered. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my side. I hissed.

"OW!" I yelled. I glared at Elladan who just stared right back at me and smiled.

"Well. You said for someone to pinch you, so I did."

"Its an expression! Not meant to be taken literally!"

"Well, it worked did it not? You are very much alive and all of this," he waved his hand out. "Is real. Just as we are." he gave me a smile. I glanced at Glorfindel who was also smiling and so was Elrohir.

"Now, we should continue to father. He will be wanting to know of the events of the morning." said Elrohir. I nodded, but I felt my stomach twist in knots. I took one tentative step onto the bridge. I bit my lip.

"Jay. Are you alright?" said Elladan. He put a hand on my shoulder. I looked at him and shook my head.

"I'm so nervous, Elladan. I'm about to meet your father! The king of Rivendell! What do I say? What if I slip up and say the wrong thing? What if he doesn't trust me? What if-"

A smooth hand clapped over my mouth. It belonged to Elladan. Well gees...

"Quit worrying! Say what you need to say," he said with a soft smile. Oooh noo...

"_Say what you need to saaay! Say what you need to saaay!_" DAMN IT! Damn you brain... And damn you John Mayer for having such good songs and such a beautiful voice. Shit. Now _that_ song will be stuck in my head! Ugh... I tuned back into Elladan.

"You won't say anything wrong. And he won't have a reason to distrust you, not when you have us three to back you up." he gave me a reassuring smile. I glanced at Elrohir and Glorfindel. The same expression graced their features. I bit my lip, and nodded.

Challenge accepted.

"Alright. Lets do this." Elladan patted my shoulder and we continued across the bridge.

_**Sorry if it was a bit short. Hope you enjoyed guys! Don't forget to REVIEW. Please? :)**_


	8. Chapter 8 Wayne's World Style

_Hey guys. I know it's been a really...really long time since I last updated anything. Its been terrible. Time has just slipped away from me and my muse has been barren. I apologize 1000 times over... for everything. Those of you following me I am so so sorry. I'm currently working on new chapters for all of my stories. I promise to work hard and try to update. In light of recent events, such as THE HOBBIT COMING OUT FUCKING FINALLY. OMG I'VE WAITED THREE YEARS. :'D but anyways yes... I decided to update my Lord of the Rings Crack fic in honor of The Hobbit. :3 _

_Please... Enjoy._

_Once again I am sorry. Please forgive me for my horrible updating._

Chapter 8- Wayne's World Style

Ooh man... Valar give me strength!... I looked up and around me.

WHOA.

Oh yeah. I am definitely staying and hopefully living here. This place is...just... beautiful, amazing, awesome, astounding, gorgeous, awesome... God I love that word... Awesome. Yeah...

Beautiful plants, flowers, trees... Other forms of lovely vegetation surrounded this place. It was just utterly gorgeous. We approached the gates.

"Let me go first, Jay." said Glorfindel. I nodded.

"Go ahead man. I'd rather not get skewered by a ton of arrows." I stepped back and let him go first. He urged Asfaloth ahead.

"Open the gates! Lord Glorfindel approaches!" came a voice from out of complete no where. I looked up and... Oh! There he is. That little elf dude up there... watching what all is going on.

"Come on Jay." said Elrohir. The twins walked on either side of me as we approached the gate. I saw Glorfindel standing at the threshold of the gate. Two Elvin warriors stood on either side of him. They were beautiful. Both had golden hair, both were clad in silver and gold armor and both wore a beautiful dark purple cape.

"Can I come in yet?" I called to Glorfindel. One of the Elvin warriors approached me and-

"AHHH!" SHIT! That is a big spear! Ohhhh my god... Oh Valar...

"Stand down!" demanded Elladan to the guard. I held my hands up and took a step back.

"I'm unarmed! What's the problem?" I said in a shaky voice.

Way to go Jay. Just when they thought I couldn't be any weaker... damn it.

"Be silent, Harlot!" hissed the guard.

"Do not speak to her like that!" yelled Glorfindel.

"What? This is like the third time I've had an elf point something sharp at me!" I squeaked.

"Jay. Hush." said Elrohir.

"Dude! I'm not going to hush! These guys have to know that I'm not an enemy!" I was tired of all these damn sharp things! This place was supposed to be a place of peace and healing! WHAT the FUCK man?

"Jay." said Elladan. The twins both looked at me. My mouth was open. I just couldn't believe this!

I looked to Glorfindel for help. All he did was nod.

Pshh. Ok. Like that's supposed to help.

"Lower your spear, guardsman. She is with us." said Elrohir.

"How do we know she isn't one of them? And that she just has you under a spell of some sort?" said the guard. Ok. That was a sort of valid point. Sues did have that kind of seductive, manipulative, overpowering air about them. Ugh...

"She isn't one of them! She has us under no spell!" said Elladan.

"Prove she isn't one of them." said the Guard.

Glorfindel sighed. Elrohir growled in annoyance. Elladan sighed. I rolled my eyes.

Uggggghhhhhh...

Elladan pulled my hair back and revealed my ears.

"Look. She has not been changed into an elf. Her hair is a sandy, dark blonde color and is an even darker brown underneath. It's been cut jaggedly and her eyes have no strange colors in them." said Elladan.

"And look at the way she's dressed! She's not in a flowing gown! She's in... leggings and a long-sleeve tunic!" said Elrohir.

"Not to mention the way she talks." said Glorfindel.

Well, this day has finally come has it? The day when I am actually glad for people to be pointing out my flaws. Yep. This is it.

"Yes. I am a human. Perfectly flawed." I sighed. "I think we get it."

"Sorry Jay." mumbled the twins at the same time.

"Its alright guys. No worries." I shrugged. "So what if I'm not perfect? I like my imperfections." My three elven bros all nodded in approval. The guard looked at me, then gave a sharp nod.

"I believe you. You may enter." he withdrew the shiny spear from my throat and I breathed a sigh of relief. I shot a glare at the elf.

"The god of all things is Eru, by the way. Ya jerk. And Glorfindel killed a Balrog! And Elrond fought in the War of the Last Alliance 3,000 years ago! D'ya need any more proof?" I growled. He shook his head and moved out of my way.

"Sodding idiot..." I mumbled. The twins came up beside me as I walked through the gate. We walked up to Glorfindel who was handing over Asfaloth to a stable hand.

"I mean... Do I really look like one of those sparkly abominations?" I asked them. They all three shook their heads.

"Of course not." said Elladan.

"You are a far cry from it." said Glorfindel.

"Thank you." I said.

That's more like it damn it.

"Well, now that that interesting incident is over, we need to take you to father. The three of us all need to talk to him." said Elrohir. I looked up at him, then took a look around.

"But I want to explore! When will I get to explore?" I asked. I crossed my arms and looked at the three elves before me. They all smiled at the SAME FREAKIN TIME.

THAT.

That right there.

That's a sight to see.

I was just hit with like, three different levels of elven-ness... My mind just might explode... I giggled.

WAIT... DID I JUST FUCKING _GIGGLE_?! Ohhh good god. Wow. I cleared my throat and felt my cheeks burn...damn it.

"Jay. I would be happy to take you on a tour through Rivendell." said Glorfindel. He bowed.

"We all would!" said Elladan. Elrohir nodded as well.

"But we must speak to Ada first." said Elrohir. I smiled.

"Deal!" I said. The three smiled again and Glorfindel bowed to us.

"I will be in the gardens if you need me." and with that, he walked away.

"Right! So! Which way to Lord Elrond's study?" I asked. I looked at the long arrow in my hand and twirled it between my fingers.

"Come on. Follow us." said Elladan. I nodded and followed in step behind them again... but I was still so amazed by this place. I'm determined to explore every corner of this fortress if it kills me. They led me up some stairs and down a hall way, but I was too distracted to remember and care where I was going. The view was a-fucking-mazing.

Yeah. I went there.

"Er. Mah. Gerd." I softly mumbled to myself. I stopped and looked out over the balcony. Land and mountains stretched out as far as my eye could see. It was literally breath taking... And I felt the strong urge to explore it all. I could help but smile. "... this place is real." I kept repeating to myself.

"Jay..." I heard a voice call. I looked over and saw Elladan smirking at me, eyeing for me to follow. I guess his brother had went on up ahead of us.

"Oh! Right... Sorry bro. You better show me everything when we're done ok? Promise me. Pinky promise me." I said, holding up my pinky. Elladan stared at it with a rose eyebrow. His grey eyes met mine in a questioning look. "Here. Lemme show ya." I said. I reached down and brought his hand up to me. "Hold your pinky out just like this." I instructed. He held his pinky out.

Ha! When in doubt, pinky out.

Hell yes.

Anyways I then linked my pinky with his. "Wrap your pinky around mine in turn." I said. He did so then looked at me for further instruction. "Thats it. Just say, 'I pinky promise to show you all that I know.' then you've made a legit pinky promise." I nodded.

"Legit... Is that short for legitimate?" he asked with a smirk. I smirked back and nodded.

"Nice job smart stuff. You're catching on fast!" Elladan smiled and wrapped his pinky around mine.

"I pinky promise to show you all that I know of Imladris, combat, and this world." he then let go of my pinky and took my hand, kissing the back of it.

Oohhhhh. My. Valar.

No.

No.

Uh uh.

NO.

BLUSHING.

STAAHP.

"T-thanks... bro." I said, quickly slipping my hand out of his grasp. I could feel my cheeks breaking out into flame. I quickly walked past him and around the corner- "Uuf!" I shook my head and looked up to see who I had ran into.

"Ah...Lady Jay. Nice of you to join us."

Ok.. Now it was my turn for my eyes to be as big as saucers. My jaw dropped slightly...

I had just bumped into the Lord of Rivendell.

"Uh...I...uh...L-Lord...Elr-r-rond...Um..." suddenly something from my world popped into my head... And It only seemed fit for this EXACT situation.

I quickly dropped to my knees, face down to the ground and bowing excessively.

"I'M NOT WORTHY!"

Wayne's World Style.


	9. Chapter 9 Disclaimer and A New Home

_Hello All. Yes I know I've been busy but I don't really have an excuse. College is a bitch, things are starting to be due and finals are approaching. And there was much rejoicing...yaaay._

_Hehe. Yeah anyways here we go. Next Chapter. Has a little less spasticness and references because Elrond is in here and Jay actually has to straighten up a bit in front of the Lord of Rivendell. So Enjoy guys. More spasticness and craziness to come though. I promise. XD_

_~Dora_

Chapter 9- Disclaimer and A New Home

Ok... In hindsight, maybe instantly falling to the ground and groveling wasnt the best idea...

I was currently seated between the twins in Elrond's office/study/quiet place or whatever you'd prefer to call it. I had successfully managed to earn some very strange looks from father and sons alike, but once I had stood up and straightened out, I had explained to them that I had lost my bearings for a second but I was ok now. Which I was...sorta.

"So um...yeah. Again, I'm sorry for startling you guys with all that...I just kind of lost my nerve." I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees. "Its probably going to happen more but I'll try not to make it as severe."

Elrond turned around and eyed me. I blinked and fidgeted a bit.

Dude the movie really wasn't lying about his eyebrows and that hard elven stare.

It stopped me dead in my tracks. I felt like I was in for the scolding of my life.

"Father she's not like the others." Elladan spoke up...

wait...

Oh shit SONOFA-

I DIDN'T SEE WHICH TWIN SAT ON WHAT SIDE OF ME.

Fucking...identical...handsome...eye candy elf boys.

"Oh? Well then. Let's hear this tale." came Lord Elrond's strong yet calm voice. I looked up at him and breathed a slight sigh of relief.

Good. He's willing to hear me out.

I nodded and sat up straight.

"Ok. Thank you my Lord. Now see, what had happened was-"

"Ah...Jay?" One of the twins had cut me off. I looked over at him and bit my lip, narrowing my eyes slightly. "Yes?...eeelllaadd-"

"Elro-"

"Elrohir! Yes...sorry I didn't pay attention when you guys set down and I lost track and...yeah sorry I'll just shut up now." I have a horrible tendency to ramble when I'm nervous or have a lot to explain. Elrohir nodded with a soft smile.

Ok...So Elrohir is on my right. Got it.

"Just sit back. My brother and I saw the whole thing. We'll explain it to him. Your slang may throw him off." I blinked and nodded slowly. My eyes drifted back over to Elrond who was sitting patiently in his chair. One majestic eyebrow was rose and I thought I saw the slightest hint of a smile on the dude's face...which I seriously hope I'm right... Elladan patted my shoulder and I relaxed back into my chair.

The Elven bros managed to re-count what all had happened down to a friggen "T". I mean I shouldn't have been so surprised anyways. Elves have really good memories. I added a few quips of my own in when I could spare them but for the most part Elladan and Elrohir explained it all.

Elrond nodded a few times after our tale was told. He leaned back in his chair, then a soft smile spread across his face.

"Well then, welcome to Rivendell Jay." I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you sir. Its a relief that you're allowing me to stay." Elrond nodded.

"Of course. Now that I've heard your story from my own children who were witnesses, it is easier for me to believe...Though did you _really_ cut the creature's head off?" he asked, a slight smirk on his face.

Pffthehe...He called her a creature.

Heh...

But seriously ok...that's a good question because that one is still hard for me to believe but...

"Yes Sir...I really did chop her head off. I mean she was after us! What was I supposed to do? The chick was like a zombie. She didn't die when Elrohir shot her with a rocket arrow but when I chopped her shiny head off it was over with man!" I said with a smile, getting a little excited. Elrond gave a puzzled look at me. Elladan stepped in.

"What she means, Ada, is that when she saw that brother's arrow didn't kill her, she decided to step in and come up with another means for it's demise. Once the head was severed from the body, the deed was done."

Whoa nice translation Elladan! I'll have to remember to praise him for that later.

I smirked and looked over at him, giving a discreet thumbs up.

He rose a brow at me.

Ah shit Imma have to teach him that one too...damn it.

"I...only managed to catch half of her words...My apologies." he said. Elladan waved a hand.

"Its alright father. She promised to teach us the ways of speech of where she came from."

Ah shit...I really need to tone down my slang.

"Sorry guys..." I muttered. Elrohir patted my shoulder.

"Tis alright, Jay." he said with a smile. I smiled back and nodded.

"Thanks...though I can't help but wonder if I should have felt a little worse for killing her...I mean that was the first time I had ever killed a human...er elf...humanoid creature..?. Maybe I play too many video games." I shrugged. The twins scoffed and Elrond even rolled his eyes.

"That was not a human by any standards of this world and she was _certainly _not an elf._"_ said the elven lord. I let out a short laugh.

"Ha yeah...You got a point actually...I guess I'll worry about it later then..." I shrugged and looked down, poking at the sharp tip of the arrow in my grasp. The twins nudged me and I blinked.

OH YEAH THE RING. Right.

"Oh Lord Elrond! We found this ring in the place of the dead Sue when she disappeared. We're not really sure what it does. It's silver with a big sapphire and it has elvish lettering on it." Elrond leaned forward and I leaned up, handing the arrow over to him. He took a hold of it and inspected it with his keen elvish eyes.

"Why has it been wedged onto an arrow?" he asked, eyeing the three of us.

"Well we weren't entirely sure if it was dangerous or not..." admitted Elladan. Elrohir and I nodded in agreement.

"We played it safe till we got back here to you." I said. Elrond nodded.

"I see. Well, I can just barely make out the engravings on it." he reached out and pulled the ring off of the arrow. He turned it around in his hands.

"Does it say anything special?" I asked.

"A spell or curse of some sort?" asked Elrohir.

Damn I sure hope not...

Shit maybe that sue left out with a vengeance and there is some type of curse on there.

-1,000 Mana/Stamina if the wearer of this ring is not the sue that it belonged too.

I paled.

"Don't try to put it on till we know what it does..." I mumbled. Lord Elrond looked up, a small smile coming up on his lips.

"Do not worry, my dear. I know what I'm doing and I have a good idea of what this ring is." he looked back at the silver band. "The Elvish lettering on it says. 'Whom so ever possesses this ring shall summon what they desire.'" he looked up at us.

Wait...so...is that including but not limited to powers and such?

"Uh...well I figured she was an elemental chick but now that she was wearing that ring she could have just summoned electricity." I tapped my chin then rested my head in my hand.

Great. Now I'm confused.

Does that mean like... _anything_ or does it just mean material items?

"Ah...Here. This seems like something you're looking for, Jay. The common lettering on the inside of the ring." he handed the ring back over to me and I took it, looking on the inside. The twins leaned in on either side of me. The first word I caught was the giant, all caps word that said DISCLAIMER.

Go figure.

"Hmm...lets see... it says 'DISCLAIMER: This summoning ring is for material objects only. Humans, animals, powers and anything out of the ordinary of 'material objects' cannot be summoned, therefore do not attempt.' ….Well then. I guess that answers that. Only material items can be summoned. Like a hairbrush or somethi-" Suddenly I felt a tingling sensation in the palm of my hand and looked down.

HOLY FUCKING FLIP.

"..oohh MY GOD." I said, my eyes wide and my mouth open. It was right in my hand.

"It's...a hairbrush." said Elrohir.

Oh why yes it is...thank you captain obvious.

But I couldn't help but stare at the thing.

Not only was it _just_ a hairbrush...but it was _my_ hair brush. My blue one with the squishy handle from home.

"Be careful jay. Your face may get stuck like that." said Elladan. The smirk in his voice was so obvious and I felt him reach over and push my jaw back up. I snapped out of staring at the hairbrush and batted his hand away.

"Alright Alright pretty boy. I get it...Jees my mom used to say that to me when I was little." I couldn't help but smile a little at that and shake my head. "I mean...Ok I will admit I'm surprised seeing this summoning magic but the fact that it specifically summoned my hairbrush from home kinda freaks me out...I mean it could have formed any hairbrush but it chose mine...or at least what looks like mine." I looked up at Elrond. He shrugged.

"I suppose it belongs to you now. Since it is summoning your personal items, it has accepted that it has a new master." he leaned back in his seat.

I sat there with my mouth open.

"...So...what it's like...she was a ring bearer? If the previous owner dies then the ring has a new master...I get to keep this summoning ring?" I asked. I still couldn't believe this. This ring belonged to a sue, after all...I'm not entirely sure that I want this thing. Elrond nodded.

"If you wish to keep it then it is yours. If not, then give it to me and I'll put it with the rest of the infernal things we find on them." I looked down at the ring.

Whoa whoa hold up...Hold the phone...

Did he just say the _rest_ of the things?

"Wait wait wait rewind...You have MORE of these Mary-Sue jewelries?!" I asked. The twins exchanged a glance and nodded at the same time.

I squeed inwardly a bit. I could watch the twins be twinny all day, but then Elrond nodded.

"Indeed. Swords, necklaces, rings, knives." he smirked. "You do not think you are the first slayer of these...eh what did you call them? Mary Sues?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yes sir. That's the proper name for them." I answered. He nodded. "Good. We finally have a name for the headaches. But as I was saying, you do not believe you were the first eh...'Sue' slayer amongst us do you? These beings have been showing up recently. Elladan and Elrohir have killed their fair share of sues. Even Glorfindel and myself have had run ins."

Aw hell...I know why they've become so numerous too.

Its because of The Hobbit movie.

SON OF A BIIIIIITCH.

"I see..." that was all I said. I wasn't about to explain that whole movie thing and go into a big giant explanation of what a movie is and how I knew of their history. What really really REALLY confused me though, is the time lines. I am a year before the War of the Ring yet the sues are starting to multiply with the coming of The Hobbit movie back in my world.

Wait...

Oh valar... Wait WAIT I FEEL A REFERENCE COMING ON...

"_Here's the present 1985, the future and the past. Obviously, somewhere in the past the timeline skewed down into this tangent creating an alternate 1985. Alternate to you, me, and Einstein, but reality for everyone else._"

Doc...where are you when I need you man.

I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands, leaning over and resting my elbows on my knees.

"This is heavy..." I muttered softly.

"Er...What's heavy? You're head? Are you feeling alright?" said Elrohir.

SIIIIGHH.

"No man..No I'm fine just...nevermind." I sat up.

Damn it ALL. Ok... Ok you know what? I'm just not even gonna worry about it. Obviously the Valar know what they're doing and I'm getting a headache trying to figure all this shit out. I'm pretty sure they're all up there smirking in amusement as I try to solve this and decipher my fate. Well you know what guys? I'M DONE. YOU WIN. I'LL JUST ROLL WITH IT OKAY? KAY.

I looked up at Lord Elrond and gave him a smile.

"It's alright. I'll just keep the ring. It may end up coming in handy later on." I looked down and slipped it onto my left middle finger. The band was smooth and felt cool against my finger. It fit perfectly. "Huh...I guess you are mine now then..." I said quietly. I closed my eyes and shook my head. "I hate to cut this short but I need to go lay down somewhere."

The twins and Lord Elrond all stood up.

I blinked and looked around. "Well...Ok...Don't all jump up at once." ...I know that's usually used in a sarcastic manner but I was actually serious this time. Totally was not expecting that one.

Elrond looked at his sons. "Take her to her room. Jay, this will be your new home now. You're welcome to come and go as you please just try not to cause too much trouble." he smirked softly. I shook my head and stood up.

"Nah you don't have to worry about that just yet Elrond. I won't cause any trouble till I know this place and start making some friends. I need accomplices after all don't I?" I looked between Elladan and Elrohir and smirked.

They wore matching smirks too.

It was quite adorbs.

Elrond chuckled and looked at the three of us.

"It seems as if you've already found your first two. But I'm sure this information and this new change of scenery has you a bit overwhelmed and exhausted. Go rest for a while." He bowed slightly.

Ok. It's time to be serious now Jay.

I bowed as well and smiled.

"Thank you Lord Elrond. Chances are, I won't be able to get back to my own home any time soon and honestly...I don't really want to. At least not yet. I'm a stranger in your home, but I will do my best to play my part and do whatever you say." I looked at Elladan and Elrohir. "Thank you all, guys." Elrond smiled and nodded.

"You may yet have some part to play in all this. The Valar can have a glorious sense of humor when they want. Now Go. Get some rest."

The twins led me out of his office/study/quiet place and down the hall.

"You're welcome." they both said. I looked at them and smiled.

"Sorry I got kinda sentimental and all back there but you guys could have killed me if you wanted. Seriously. Thanks for taking me in."

The draped their arms around my shoulders.

"It wasn't a problem." said Elrohir.

"It would have been a waste to kill you, Jay. After you get to know your way around this place and everyone who lives here," Elladan smirked. "We're going to train you and take you hunting with us."

I gave them a puzzled look.

"Wait...like...hunting how? I don't kill animals dudes. Only if I gotta."

The twins chuckled.

"No no Jay...by hunting we mean Sue Hunting." said Elrohir. I perked up slightly.

"Oh hell yes. So up for that. Count me in. Whenever you wanna start."

They nodded.

"Great. Then we'll see if we can get you started tomorrow."

WHOA NO NOT THAT SOON.

"Whoa whoa not that soon! I don't even know this place...and I barely know anyone...Only you two, Glorfindel and Elrond." Elladan looked over at his brother.

"She still has to meet Estel and Arwen." he said with a smile.

ASDFLASDGOAIDFGHADLFGAJLDFGKJASDFGASDG. I SHIP ARWEN AND ARAGORN SO HARD.

Flailing on the inside, simply smiling and being excited on the outside. Good job Jay. Way to beat back the fangirl.

"Ah! Oh my god that's going to be great! I can't wait!"

"But for now, rest." said Elrohir as we came to a stop at a beautifully carved wooden door.

Shit. I wasn't paying attention to the way to get here.

"Uh...guys I didn't pay attention to the directions. I'm gonna get lost." I said bluntly. I sucked with directions anyways. I could never be a navigator. I'll leave that to the keen elves and Aragorn the honorary elf .

Elladan waved a hand.

"We'll teach you all that later. For now, just go have a look around your room. We'll send for a maid to bring you some clothes and to come wake you up." he said. Elrohir nodded.

"Perhaps we could get Estel to teach her the tracking and navigation?"

"We'll discuss it." The twins then looked at me.

"Have a good rest, Jay." said Elrohir. Elladan nodded.

"Just don't worry. You'll be fine. Clear your head and get used to your surroundings." I sighed, then smiled and nodded.

"Right. Thanks guys." I turned my attention to the door then, took a hold of the handle then opened it. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped. The room was huge and looked awesome and comfy and very color coordinated.

Elves are good with interior decorating. It's a fact, bro.

This particular room looked all golden and soft oranges and reds, kinda like fall our a sunset or something. I strolled in and did a 360.

"Whoa..." I laughed and smiled. "This is so beautiful!" I ran over to the huge balcony and looked around. The view was FUCKING AMAZING. I leaned on the railing and looked back at the twins. They both smiled, bowed and shut the door.

…

OH MY FUCKING GOSH THIS IS SO AMAZING I'M GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT ASLDFKASLDKFJASL;DFKJASD.

YES I'M FLAILING RIGHT NOW. CAN'T YOU TELL?!

Oh man oh man. Oh Em GEE. ERMAHGERRDD.

I jumped up and down and ran back inside of the room and jumped on the bed.

"Oh sweet valar... This bed is like a cloud..." the pillows were so fluffy and comforter felt amazing. "Yes...yes.. must sleep." I sat up and kicked my vans off of my feet, then grabbed the covers and pulled them back, slipping inside. "oh dios mio..." I purred, snuggling down into the softness of everything.

Yes. The elves know how to make their beds and this bed is all mine. Miiiiinnneeee.

I couldn't help but roll around. I couldn't stay still. I felt like Queen Latifa in that movie Holiday when she was rubbing all up on those sheets in her suite. I was doing that.

"Mmm...sooooo goooood." I finally got in a comfortable position and stopped rolling around, just staying still. I was so comfy...and I felt really safe...

I need to focus on sleep now. I really need a nap.

Yeah. I'll worry about everything later.

_Reviews make me smile and are good for the heart~! :D_


	10. Chapter 10 Meeting the Evenstar

_Hey Everyone! Miss me? Better yet have you missed Jay? Our little nerdy spazz. XD So this chapter will be serious as well since I kind of figured you know...meeting important people. Not that the twins or Glorfindel aren't important. They are but it's more of the way she's been meeting people. Also our little nerd girl is a bit of a far cry from a lady though she knows how to give respect where it's needed._

_Jay: Yo man. I'll respect all day but...I'm not a lady. That's a no go for me._

_Me: It's cool dear. I got you._

_Anyways. Have fun reading this! :D_

_Read, Review, Be Merry!_

_-Firestar_

Chapter 10- Meeting the Evenstar

_Knock, knock, knock!_

Oh no...It's time to get up already?...

...maybe if I don't answer they'll go away.

"Jay?" ah...that would be one of the twins...Elladan if I'm not mistaken. His tone of voice is slightly deeper than his brother's.

"No." I answered through the giant fluffy pillow my face was currently buried in at the moment. I heard chuckling, then the opening of my door and footsteps.

"Someone wants to meet you, Sue Slayer." said Elrohir. I rolled over with my back to them.

"They can wait. The awesome Jay is in an awesome bed taking a most awesome nap at this moment." Damn I sounded EXACTLY like Prussia.

Ah shit...I'm really going to miss Hetalia.

The twins laughed again...but that wasn't what caught my ears and attention...There was another laugh, another voice with theirs. It was soft, but beautiful.

"Well...I guess my brothers were right about one thing..."

Oh my god I can't believe it... I bit my lip, then rolled over and sat up.

"You are quite stubborn...but your speech and your words are intriguing." she said with a laugh.

There she was, clothed in a beautiful dark blue dress with sheer white butterfly sleeves. Her long ebony hair framed her face and her eyes sparkled. The jewel around her neck shined with its on soft light and even had a soft, very faint ringing sound to it...Like when someone wets their finger and swirls it around a crystal glass...only that explanation didn't do it any justice.

I inwardly smacked myself for that. The hell is wrong with me? This is the EVENSTAR we're talking about here. Not some side show attraction with water and crystal glasses.

Jegus...

But anyways, I digress and have obviously just given away who it was that was standing before me...but I want to go on because oh my Valar the movie did her no justice...

Her skin was pure and flawless and her smile...god her smile alone made me feel like there was no such thing as sadness in the world.

I immediately bowed my head and tried to fix myself, running a hand through my hair. I stood up from the bed and stood up straight but kept my eyes averted.

"My Lady Arwen Undomiel...Please forgive me. If I would have known it was you, I wouldn't have acted so..." I searched for a word.

Oh come on Jay, THINK.

"...so...ah...Unpleasant, if you will."

Ok...ok good recovery. Very nice. I give myself a mental pat on the back for that one.

I kept my eyes on my colorful striped socks, but I saw her bring her fair hand up and felt it be placed on my shoulder.

"Raise your head, young one." she said softly. I looked up at her and saw her give me another smile. The twins were on each side of her and they smiled, Elladan giving me a reassuring nod. "There is nothing to forgive. I understand sleep is important to your kind even though we elves tend to not need it as much." I couldn't help but smile and sigh in relief.

"Oh thank you my lady." I blushed, bit my lip, did all my nervous little quirks and tried to do a bow/slash/curtsy...thing.

Hell I don't even know what you'd call it.

She rose one lovely eyebrow at me and the twins behind her snorted. I shot them a nasty glare, then sighed again and stood up straight.

"Alright you know what...I'm just going to be completely honest with you, Evenstar, because you are nice and forgiving and gentle and would hopefully understand that I am an awkward turtle in proper situations even though I try really hard not to be..."

Cue the twins each raising a brow at the 'Awkward Turtle' comment.

"...Especially with beautiful elves like yourself. So I am ultimately at a disadvantage." I finally finished. Arwen smiled and shook her head, her lovely hair swaying.

"Jay, you do not have to try so hard." she simply said.

I nodded slowly and clasped my hands together, bowing slightly.

"Right...Ok. Got it. Thanks." I gave her a smile. "Its just...My parents taught me respect and all. You know...yes ma'am no ma'am yes sir no sir all that stuff. Of course I guess here it would be milady and milord. I just don't want to disrespect anyone."

"That explains you strange behavior towards Ada earlier." Elrohir pointed out. I fidgeted.

"Look man I lost my cool ok? I said I was sorry!" I whined and blushed and crossed my arms.

"Stop teasing her, you two." Arwen scolded them gently. Both of them pouted a bit...and that was cute.

BUT I'm still a bit miffed.

"We found her! She's our human. We can tease her as much as we like." Elladan smirked—wait WHAT?! I'm..their human? Like...like a pet? Oh _hell_ no. That troll!

"I can't believe you just said that Elladan you troll. I'm not your _human_." I stuck my tongue out at him. "I'm not anyone's human. I'm a one man wolf pack bro. You can't handle all thisss." I drew out the 's' as I struck a pose. The twins looked at each other, then busted out laughing. Arwen gracefully covered her smile but she laughed as well. She then turned to her brothers and began to push them out.

"Alright! Out with you two. I wish to speak with Jay alone."

Gah thank the Valar for Arwen. Though the twins were still too busy almost splitting their sides open from my display.

Heh. Score one for Jay!

I slipped my vans back on and Arwen shut the door behind them, then turned to me.

"Tell me Jay...That er...'sue' that you beheaded? It was after Estel wasn't it?"

oh my GAWD she said 'it' too! HA! Holy shit this is great. I snorted and Arwen gave a confused look.

"I'm sorry Arwen it's just that...you called her an 'it' and it makes me laugh!" ok so that sentence was a little confusing but by the smile on her face I'm sure she caught my drift.

And somewhere, the Knights who say Ni are dying a little on the inside and cringing.

"But to answer your question, Arwen, yes. She was after Aragorn. She claimed to be the long lost daughter of Elrond and said she was destined to be with Aragorn and just...-" a shiver passed through me and I gagged.

...and I think I heard Arwen growl.

"She's not the first. Most likely won't be the last." she said. I turned around and leaned back against the balcony railing to face her.

"Yeah...That's true. Where is Aragorn anyways? Out hunting and scouting or something?" I asked with a small smirk. Aragorn was the manly man type so it wouldn't surprise me if he was doing something like that...but suddenly I saw Arwen frown and her eyes go a bit distant. She walked over and stood beside me on the balcony. Her eyes gazed out and I turned around looking out as well, trying to see what she was seeing...or at least figure out what had happened.

Had something happened?...

Wait...it's 3017...Aragorn is somewhere...shit where is he?

"He is on a hunt for the creature Gollum at the request of Mithrandir." OH YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! He finds him and takes him to Thranduil.

Well at least the 'verse is going book wise...for now...

"We haven't seen him for quite a long time. I miss him." she gave a slight smile and I internally flailed.

HNNNN THEY'RE SO GOOD FOR EACH OTHER.

Oh but wait...aw man. That means I don't get to see him till 3018 WHEN THEY ARRIVE IN RIVENDELL. Damn I've got a ways to go.

"I'm sure you do Arwen." I said quietly. Now I was bummed. Aragorn was my favorite. I mean don't get me wrong I love the fellowship and Gandalf and everyone but...Aragorn. I have so much respect for him.

"Something troubles you?" came Arwen's soft voice. I looked over at her and blinked.

"How'd you know?" she smiled softly.

"You wear your emotions on your sleeve, Jay."

Oh. Well that's just bloody great.

Forget the fact that my blush is something to be reckoned with because god forbid someone compliments me or POINTS IT OUT. I'll blush over anything...and my face will turn really red with anger or laughter. Like tomato red. As in if Spain saw me he'd have a fit.

Damn I am REALLY going to miss hetalia.

Fuuuuuuuu-dge.

But, I nodded.. and shifted a bit.

"Yeah...I was really looking forward to meeting Estel. The man is a legend! I really respect him." I smirked. "And you two make the best couple ever."

….

OH MY GOD ARWENS BLUSHING...WHERE ARE THE TWINS WHEN I NEED THEM.

QUICK SOMEONE GET A CAMERA.

I haven't even been here for a full day and I've already made an elf blush?!

Oh I am so on a roll! Score 2 for Jay! Inner fist pump!

"Thank you Jay. But please keep it quiet. Ada doesn't really care to hear a lot about the subject." she said softly. I nodded in understanding. I mean, Elrond kind of has a right to be upset. His only daughter had got the hots for a human. And the fact that said daughter is immortal and of high elven blood kind of causes a problem. BUT, I ship it and they're my favorite couple right up there next to Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy.

A love to last a literal life time right there.

"You have my word Arwen. Besides, I'm probably going to be too worried about learning my way around this place. I mean...think about it. I've got a LOT to learn." I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

_Knock! Knock!_

"Jay? Lady Arwen?"

Ah that would be Mr. Goldenhaired himself!

No. Not Legolas you fangirls.

"Come in bro!" I called. Arwen and I looked back and saw Glorfindel open the door. He bowed slightly and gave us a smile.

"I just came to tell you all that lunch has been prepared. And Jay, if you would like, I shall show you around Rivendell afterward."

"Aw dude yes!" I jumped up a bit with an excited smile.

I mean hell yeah I want to see Rivendell! Not many people can say they got a personal tour with Glorfindel!

Arwen laughed softly and smiled.

"We'll be along shortly. Oh! And Glorfindel could you find some suitable clothes for Jay?"

I looked down at myself...Aw man...

"What's wrong with these?"

"Well, they are a bit strange to us. You may keep them. We won't get rid of them but if the other elves saw-"

"Ooooh ok. I got it, I got it." I waved my hand in understanding. Right because I need clothes to fit in with the time period.

Oh so many Back to the Future references.

"Any particular color?" Glorfindel asked. I tapped my chin in thought.

"Well...I like blue and green. Grey is pretty as well. You know what, whatever you can find is fine dude. So long as it isn't pink." I hissed that last sentence.

I _despise_ the color pink.

The two elves had amused expressions on their faces but Glorfindel nodded none the less.

"I'll be back soon then." he turned and shut the door as he left. There was a little silence between Arwen and me.

Cue awkward turtle moment.

I slowly looked up at her and she looked down at me with a smile. God her smile could pull someone from the depths of depression. I wish I'd met her when I was thirteen.

"Arwen...thank you for taking me into your home. I know it's not customary for your family to accept strangers in...especially ones that fall from the sky. But really. Thank you."

"It is no trouble, Jay. If you don't mind my asking...do you remember what your home was like where you came from?" she sat down on the bench across from me. I let out a sigh and jumped up to sit on the balcony.

"No I don't mind you asking but it's...it's a bit complicated." I ran a hand through my hair. Where to begin? "Well...my family isn't the best family. My mom and dad got a divorce..." I faded off and stopped, looking at the now confused Evenstar. "Ah that's just a fancy word for separated. Like...they got married, had me, then on my 13 birthday something happened and they couldn't stand each other any more and so they split up. Dad moved out and mom kept the house and me. Since then I've been having a few problems at school...and a few problems with my parents. None of us are as close as we used to be." I shrugged. I mean, there's not a lot to tell. It's just the simple story of a broken home. No real intense tragedy. Arwen looked concerned none the less.

"So they just stopped loving each other?" she asked. I shrugged again.

"Dude If I knew, I'd tell you. I think they still care about each other to a certain extent. One time I even tried to set them back up together but that was shot to the fires of Mount Doom real fast." I flinched as I remember what happened.

I'm such an IDIOT. The parent trap only works in the movie. Don't try it at home, kids. Unless you want to be both whipped and grounded into oblivion and your parents to be shoved even farther apart.

"Well...I am sorry Jay." she said with concern. I smiled and waved my hand.

"Don't be. It's not that big of a deal. I've gone this long and made it this far without any problems." As far as she knows... "Besides, it's nothing you have to concern yourself with and it's something that I no longer have to worry about. Let's just drop it ok? For both our sakes." Arwen nodded.

"Alright...I shall ah..'drop it' then."

Aw that was cute. That made me laugh.

"Bad habits are hard to break. That slang, 'drop it' means to just drop the subject." I jumped down from the balcony. "Don't worry. I'll try to watch myself but the twin trolls and I had a deal that if they taught me a bit of elvish, I'd teach them some of my slang." she stood up and drifted over to me.

"Your slang is rather interesting. I'd like to learn a few words myself."

PFT. uh...

I snorted rather unladylike, the image of Arwen walking up to her father and being all like 'Hey dad whats up?' or like when Aragorn tries to give back the Evenstar to her she goes 'Dude. That's not cool.' Suddenly my stomach lurched. I don't think the Valar would be happy with me teaching the elves too much slang...

"Alright Arwen...I'll teach you a little though this speech is so not for a lady of your high stature. If Lord Elrond caught you saying the word 'Awesome' or 'dude' he may kill me."

Arwen was about to respond when Glorfindel knocked again and opened the door. He had folded clothes in his arms and set them on my bed along with a pair of brown soft leather boots.

"Here you are Jay. Get dressed quickly and let's eat. I'm famished." I blinked and rose a brow as I walked over.

"Dude you don't have to wait on me to eat. Go eat something yourself. Are the twins waiting too?" I was a bit surprised. Glorfindel nodded though.

"Yes. We didn't to leave our guest alone to eat. We'll all dine just as soon as you get dressed."

"So hurry up! My stomach is making strange noises!" came a voice from outside the door. I smirked. That would be Elladan.

"Alright don't get you braids in a knot." Arwen and Glorfindel left the room and closed the door. My tummy began to make strange noises as well.

"Alright. Time to get dressed and go grab some serious nomage."

_REVIEWS WOULD BE AWESOME, MAKING YOU AN AWESOME PERSON :D_


	11. Chapter 11 Verse Change?

_So I passed my finals and passed math FUCKING FINALLY._

_Also...Battle of the Five Armies ripped my still-beating heart out. I saw it Monday on the special preview of the trilogy and I just...died. Like I came out of there feeling physically sick cause I couldn't handle my feels. It was intense you guys but I loved it and am going back :'D_

_Tolkien has my soul...I'm pretty sure. -.o_

_Anyways, next chapter! Shit goes down n stuff...yeah. Enjoy!_

_Read, Review, Be Merry!_

_~Dora_

Chapter 11- Verse Change?

This fabric...it is glorious.

What is this..Egyptian cotton? Er...wait no we're in Middle Earth. Elvish cotton then.

Shit do they even have cotton here? I don't think they were mentioned in the book and it certainly wasn't in the movie. Huh...

Well if this isn't cotton then I don't know what it is. It feels good. I ran my fingers over the long sleeve of the soft blue tunic and smiled. Damn this is awesome. The grey leggings/pants felt good too and the soft leather boots were super comfortable. Like suede. A dusty brown suede color.

I don't know much about matching but I like what I'm wearing. Blue long-sleeve tunic with a collar, like a popped collar...Oh! Like that thing Arwen was wearing in the cut scene when Aragorn tried to give the Evenstar back to her.

Yeah. Like that. Only not that.

Eh, I digress..again. Anyways so yes blue tunic thing, grey pants/leggings thing and the boots! Super comfy and I'm super fangirling on the inside.

"Ah! Oh shit..." I forgot they were waiting on me outside. "Here I am!" I opened the door and stepped out, shutting it behind me.

Now I was surrounded by elves.

"Finally. You take forever." Elladan piped up.

"Yes. Even longer than Arwen." Elrohir added. Arwen gave them both a look and they simply smirked. I rolled my eyes.

I really should be used to this. The majority of my friends were dudes anyways and I was always the end of the jokes.

"Whatevs you two. Let's just go eat." I looked up at Glorfindel for the 'ok go'. He smiled and walked on ahead. The twins exchanged a look.

"I'm guessing 'what-evs' is a shorthand version of 'whatever'?" Elladan asked.

Look at him catching on. Go him. I should find a cookie and give it to him.

"Yes Elladan. Good job." I smirked and looked at him. "Not bad for a pointy eared elfish princeling." oh Gimli, how I love you and your snarky comments... damn it is going to be a long time before I see him. I still think it's such an odd date to drop me on.

Valar, I have trust in you guys up there. I hope you all know what you're doing.

"Technically I'm not a prince." Elladan said. Elrohir nodded.

"Our father is a lord, which makes us lords and Arwen a Lady." he said.

Oh well go figure. Yeah I guess I should have known that. I payed attention to the feudal system in history class. History is my favorite.

I'm way too arrogant in history for my own good.

"Right...well what does that make Glorfindel?" I asked. The golden haired elf looked down at me...man he was tall. I really wasn't used to that.

17 year old human girl and I'm only like... 5' 2''

"A Balrog Slayer." he smirked gently. I could literally hear Elladan and Elrohir roll their eyes. I couldn't help but snort and Arwen was smiling gently.

"Right...So Lord Glorfindel the Balrog Slayer. Imma just stick with Glorfindel." yeah. Way more easier than saying titles.

Like...Imagine having to announce titles. I feel bad for whoever has to announce Aragorn's titles. His are almost as bad as Daenerys' titles from GoT.

But this is so not Westeros and I am so glad of that. I would not survive in the Game of Thrones universe.

The elven squad led me through the halls and out along the balconies. Rivendell was so beautiful and I really loved the way everything was so open. Nature and the world wasn't shut out and I really liked that.

Honestly, it was so much more than I ever could have dreamed. I've been obsessed with Middle-Earth ever since my dad made me read the hobbit when I was around 10. It was the first chapter book I ever read.

I could feel my eyes were wide. I was really trying to drink it all in in this short walk to the dining hall. Someone saw me because I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back to realize that it was Arwen. She gave me a gorgeous smile that made me feel all warm and fuzzy and stuff.

"You can wander Imladris as much as you like, Jay. I would suggest having a guide the first time but you don't have to take it all in at once." she said. One of the twins nodded...ugh I'm gonna have to tie a bell to one of them...or paint one. Probably Elladan.

"You could hurt yourself trying to take in the beauty of it all in at once." he said. That had to have been Elladan. If anything, I could hear the tone of voice. Thank you band! Thank you god/valar/insert-your-favorite-diety-here for giving me the ability to play by ear and pick out tones!

"Alright. I just can't help it you know?" I sighed and turned my gaze back ahead to gaze upon the city and the waterfalls and the perfect view of middle-earth stretched out before the hidden valley. "I know all of you are used to it but I'm not. It's nostalgic, somehow...Part of me is still having a hard time believing this is real. I was raised on stories of this place." suddenly, I felt really sad...No that's not good I don't want to be sad in a place like this but man...

I really miss my Dad now.

My thoughts were interrupted, however, by the noble Balrog slayer moving in front of me and putting his hands on my shoulders. I blinked up at him.

"What?" I asked. Glorfindel simply smiled, then took my hand and placed it over the left side of his chest. I could feel a heart beat there...and honestly, I didn't quite know how to take this.

Was this an elvish thing going on that I didn't know about?

I looked at Arwen for help but she just gave a nod. I turned back to look at Glorfindel.

"Ok...So I'm feeling your heart beat." I said. Glorfindel nodded.

"Good. You feel a heart beat, Jay. You feel life. Whatever part of you is doubting our existence, let it go." he said. I was shocked at how gentle his voice was, how...almost fatherly he sounded. It was weird and made me miss my dad even more, but I could see his point.

All I could really do was look up at him and nod. I couldn't respond. Whatever kind of vulcan mind trick he was pulling on me- er...Ahem, _elven_ mind trick he was pulling, was working. He was right. I was real, he was real, everything around me was real...deep down, I could feel it.

"You're right. Ok." I nodded and took a deep breath. "Yeah. I'm good." I told him. "Promise." Glorfindel nodded and let my hand go.

"Good girl." with that, he continued walking. And I had to blink and gather myself up. That was intense, yo. I felt a hand on each of my shoulders and immediately knew it was the twins.

"You'll feel much better with a full stomach." one said.

"Indeed. Good food, good company and some relaxation." ah that one was Elrohir. So Elrohir was on my right and Elladan was on my left. We walked down another open hall way and through some open, beautifully carved wooden doors and Bam. That was the dining hall. I could see Elrond sitting at the head of the table and another dark haired ellon standing at his side...

Oh my valar I think I know who that is...

"Lindir!"

wait...What. NO THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO COME OUT.

I covered my mouth but it was too late. The elven squad I was with had their eyes on me and Elrond looked at me too, so did the other elves that were in the dining hall.

"Uh...Hi." I muttered. Lord Elrond stood up.

"This is the girl that will be living in Rivendell." Elrond announced. All of the elves in the room tensed besides the squad that was with me. "Ah, she is not one of those...beasts. And we are under no spell." Elrond stated.

And lemme tell you right after those words left his mouth, everyone...EVERY pointy eared person in the room relaxed.

"I present to you Jay, Hunter of Sues." he announced.

Whoa...So that's what it felt like to have a title.

"That has a nice ring to it." Elladan said from the side. I felt him give me a nudge and I stumbled forward.

"Hey!" I shot a nasty glare at him, but he only smirked.

Nancying pretty boy...

I looked back at everyone. Woo tough crowd. No pressure.

"Alright...I'm just going to admit to you all right now that I am not a hunter of them. I've only ever killed one-"

"True, but you know a lot about them." Elrohir pointed out. Lord Elrond looked around at all of his stunned elves. He cleared his throat.

"Come, sit and eat. All of you, back to what you were doing." he told them. All of the elves went back to whatever they had been doing. Arwen stepped forward and took her place beside her father. Glorfindel sat beside Arwen and the twins sat side by side and once again I was left standing and being an awkward turtle.

"Well...Are you going to sit down?" Elladan asked. "Come now, we don't bite." he chuckled. I ran a hand through my hair and walked over to sit beside him.

"Lord Elrond I apologize for my outburst." I admitted, then looked up at Lindir. "Sorry about that bro..."

"It's alright. You startled me is all." he gave a nod. Elrond nodded as well.

"You have to be careful going around and calling people out like that, Jay. Some could assume the worst. Did you not see the air of tension descend on us?"

Uh yeah. I was nearly choked to death by it.

"Dude, I could cut it with a knife." shit... "Ah...Sorry I mean...My lord. Sir."

I could see Arwen trying to hide her smile...and Elrond's lips twitched...oh what the hell was that a small smile I just saw on him too?

"It's alright. Just try to watch yourself." ah nope, his serious face was back in place. That was a fleeting moment.

I took the time in the pause of the conversation to look down at my food. Bread, greens, vegetables and fruit...lots of healthy looking things. I peaked over into my goblet and saw water in it.

Oh don't tell me there is a drinking age limit here too...man I just cannot get a break. I looked over into Elladan's cup and saw not-water in his glass. I was so not amused.

"What?" he asked me. I looked up at him and crossed my arms.

"How come you get wine and I don't?" I asked. I mean come on man that was totally unfair. Elladan just smirked and shrugged.

"You are a young human. You should not have wine." he looked up at the others. "Isn't that right?" he questioned. Elrohir nodded and so did Glorfindel.

"Besides, you need to be focused if we're going to be doing any training today. It's midday so we still have time, if you are willing and ready."

….what.

"Training? Already? No I'm not ready for it! I just got here! With all do respect, you guys, I have no idea what kind of weapon I want. I'm not good with any. I've never handled any weapons." this was cray.

"You did rather well with the elven knife. Either knives or swords. You'd need to get experience with a long range weapon but we can start on close range first." Elrohir said. Lord Elrond shifted a bit.

"Give her time. Be patient. She must get used to her surroundings first."

Finally a voice of reason. Thank the valar.

"Thank you Lord Elrond. At least someone here realizes I should not be put with sharp shiny pointy things just yet..." I muttered that last part.

"Should we take the forks away then?" Elladan quipped.

...This guy. This guy right here. I haven't even been here a full day and I may end up killing him. Elrond gave him a look of some type. All I know was the eyebrow was raised and when the eyebrow was raised, people shut up. I elbowed the elf beside me. He simply shrugged, his cool smirk still on his lips. I rolled my eyes and picked up my bread and began to eat.

The bread was really good and soft. It had a sweet taste to it...come to think of it, the bread tasted a lot like Hawaiian rolls. I may have to steal some of this from the kitchen or something. Start keeping a food stash in my room. I always keep a food stash in my room.

The table had gotten a bit quieter now that everyone was eating. The twins were talking about something amongst themselves and Lindir was informing Elrond of something. I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. I think Glorfindel was lost in his thoughts too because he seemed very focused on eating...then Arwen, bless her heart, she was barely eating anything.

I really hope our earlier conversation about Aragorn hadn't gotten her lonely and stuff. I'd never want to cause that woman any pain. Dear god. She's already got enough heartbreak coming her way what with Aragorn trying to give back the Evenstar and leading Eowyn on...supposedly...

I may have to have a talk with him about that when the quest gets underway.

Ah whatever, mind subject change. Cross that bridge when we get to it. I looked down and picked up my fork. It was a very shiny fork. And pretty. All sliver and with a little leaf on it. Apparently the elves had to have leaves and vines on everything. Apparently everything had to be gorgeous. elven arrows, elven silverware, elven underwear?

PFFT oh god no. No no no. I bit my lip and shook my head.

HA! that's fuckin hilarious.

AH NO. NO MENTAL IMAGES. No mental images please. No No No.

FOOD. Yes. Yes Focus on food.

I took up a fork full of the greens and stuffed them into my mouth...And I was not prepared for the taste. It was something I was so not expecting. Whatever the elves had seasoned the greens with, tasted exactly like thousand island dressing, which was my favorite besides ranch.

Sometimes I'm glad I have a short attention span. Hawaiian roll flavored bread and thousand island flavored greens. YES! I can survive on elven food!

Wow could this day get any better? I mean really...

"Lord Elrond!"

Uh oh...That doesn't sound good. I hope I didn't jinx anything... I looked up from my food and so did everyone else at the table.

"Farad? What is it?" Lord Elrond stood up from his chair and Lindir took a few steps forward too. The twins tensed from beside me.

"Is it another one?" Elrohir asked.

"It's my kill if it is. I haven't maimed one of those beasts in a while." Glorfindel growled. Damn blondie. I like the enthusiasm and blood lust. The elf known as Farad shook his head.

Huh he was kinda cute. I liked his braids. Damn...I guess all elves really are attractive.

"No. It's Estel. He's returned but something is very wrong."

Oh shit that was not what I was expecting. My jaw dropped and I could literally feel my heart drop into my stomach. Aragorn was back and something was wrong? Was he hurt? Was he followed by a sue-

Oh god... had he been attacked by a sue..?

"What's wrong with him?" I asked as I stood up myself. Farad looked at me.

"That's the problem. We don't know. He rode in half conscious and he had these...red markings all over him. He needs help. He keeps mumbling a name and he seems delusional." he looked back over at Elrond, who was already halfway across the room and nearly out the door. Glorfindel jumped up and followed behind. Arwen looked worried as hell and followed her father out too. Elrohir nearly jumped over the table trying to get out. Elladan looked at me.

"Come on." he told me, taking my arm and nearly making me trip over Lindir's robes.

Shit. Aragorn wasn't even supposed to be back yet. Arwen said he'd been out hunting gollum. Had the verses changed on me when I wasn't looking? Probably when I was questioning the reality, or arguing with Elladan... I really hope I haven't just seriously jinxed my favorite character.

Oh valar please let him be alright...

_Oh shit what has happened to Aragorn? And red marks? Oh man..._

_Stay tuned everyone! Will update as soon as I can! _

_REVIEW PRETTY PLEASE~_


	12. Chapter 12 Yavanna's Protection

_I'm sleep deprived and a bit delusional, but I posted this damn it._

_HAVE FUN GUYS._

_Read, Review, Be Merry!_

_~Dora_

Chapter 12- Yavanna's Protection from a Sue Infection

Fuckin A we couldn't get down to the lower level fast enough.

I don't think I've ever seen Arwen so worried...scratch that, I've never seen Arwen worried. In real life, anyways. Until now of course. So let's do a head count shall we?

Farad, the new elf with the awesome braids, is leading us down to the bridge where Aragorn entered. Arwen is worried as fuck. Elrond looks angry and worried as fuck, probably angry at whatever has harmed the heir of Isildur/his adopted son. Glorfindel looks ready to kill something. Elrohir has an equally worried look on but doesn't look as bad as Arwen. And here Elladan and I are bringing up the rear. Elladan is still dragging me and I think Lindir is following behind us but I never have a chance to look back. Elves can have iron grips when they want to.

Me? I'm worried sick too. Like my stomach is actually in knots. Red marks? Half unconscious and calling someone's name? What the hell kind of injury is this? I bet the red marks would explain a lot once we all got a look at them.

Remind me never to talk about any of the fellowship again. Apparently I jinx people. That's why I never call my shots. I don't like jinxing myself.

"Here!" Farad said.

Fucking FINALLY. For all we know the man could be dying and we have to climb down all these halls and intricate steps and-

"Let go of me...Where is she?"

"Estel calm down. You are injured." one of the four elven healers surrounding him was trying to talk him down. Aragorn was lying on the stone at the foot of the stairs and trying to push the healers away. He was weak, obviously, and a bit delusional. Elladan let me go and all of them rushed forward to him, but I stayed behind.

What did I know about healing? What could I do? Something was obviously very wrong with Aragorn and it made my stomach hurt. I was twisting the long sleeves of my tunic in nervousness. I saw Arwen run over to him, but then I saw her do something I was not expecting at all...

Arwen, The Evenstar who was completely devoted to Aragorn, backed away from him. Her eyes were wide and she covered her mouth and backed away from him quickly.

Something was _very_ wrong.

"Arwen? Arwen what's wrong?" I asked, running over to her side and taking her free hand. She squeezed my hand gently and looked at me.

"One of them..." she said. "He's calling a name. Some name of another woman." her voice broke a little and her eyes glazed with tears.

WHOA WAIT. NO NO.

"Oh valar...Arwen no don't cry please don't cry!" I begged her. Just rip my heart out right here why don't you?

"It's one of them..." she hissed suddenly...and my heart dropped even further. One of _them_. The way she said that. One of _them..._

"Arwen..." I muttered. She looked down at me.

"Go see for yourself. Listen to him. His mind is not his own." she let me go and I slowly looked over at where Aragorn was laying.

It can't be...It just fucking can't be...

"Where is she?!" Glorfindel suddenly roared, making all the elves, plus me, jump. Farad blinked and backed up. I bit my lip and looked back at Arwen. She seemed super pissed and super upset...she needed to get out of this environment.

"Aye! Farad!" I called over to the elf. He looked up and walked over to us.

"Yes Jay?" oh he knows my name! Cool!

"Take Arwen. Get her out of here. Get her calmed down, maybe some tea or something ok? She doesn't need to be here."

If that sue is still around out there somewhere, Arwen doesn't need to be out in the open. She could be in total danger. Farad nodded though, and gently took Arwen and lead her away.

"I will _kill_ that vile creature!" Glorfindel yelled again. "Where is she?!" he looked around at all of them.

"We do not know, lord Glorfindel! Aragorn rode in like this by himself!" one elf spoke up. I saw Elrond and the twins still kneeling beside Aragorn.

"Get away from me." He begged them. "I _need _to see her! It's the only way! She can heal me..." suddenly he let out a cry of pain, which made me jump out of my fucking skin.

Let me go the rest of my days without hearing Aragorn scream in pain like that again...please Valar. I beg you.

"Raynne...Raynne, my love."

Suddenly everything froze. Elrond looked up, exchanging a look of horror with his sons. All the healer elves in the area stopped and looked at Aragorn. Glorfindel glared down at him.

"The FUCK did he just say?"

And suddenly all eyes were on me.

Oh wait did I say that out loud? Well you know what I don't care cause WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! Arwen was right...oh god she was so right. I didn't want to believe it.

"No...No no no Aragorn no! Let me see him!" I ran over to him and knelt down beside Elrond and finally got a really good look at those red marks on him. Those red marks were lipstick stains. Smudged and all over his neck, face, lips...it was disgusting, really. "Ugh...Son of a whore!" I shouted.

"My sentiments exactly." came the voice of the Balrog slayer. "I say we all ride out and hunt her down." he growled. Elrond shook his head.

"We can't right now. We have to find some way to take care of Aragorn. There must be something that we can do for him." Elrond's eyes ran over the ranger before us, and mine did too. His rangerly clothes were torn, his cloak was missing, he still had his sword on him but his eyes were half opened and glazed over. The man squirmed in discomfort and obvious pain was written on his face.

Something in me told me time was of the essence. Something had to be done and fast.

"Alright guys. I don't know what the fuck this sue has done to him, but we need to work-"

"You!" Aragorn suddenly shouted, his eyes opening and looking right at me.

"Me?" I asked.

"You...I know who you are!" suddenly he grabbed my arm and yanked me down.

"Wait Aragorn I'm on your side!" I squeaked. Now I was panicking.

"Estel don't hurt her! She's not one of those creatures!" Elrohir told him. Elrond tried to make him lean back down.

"I know she's not. We don't have long...the magic is coming back. I can feel it!" he shut his eyes and grit his teeth.

This bitch really did a number on Aragorn. Now _I_ was pissed.

"Tell me Aragorn! Just tell me what I need to do! Elrond doesn't even know what to do!" I told him. Elrond gave me a look and I shrugged. "Well you said you didn't!"

"There is a plant...I-It has...ugh!" he groaned again and writhed in pain.

"Aragorn you better stay your ass here damn it tell me!"

"Blue...N-Nine leaves.. Pray to Yavanna...Ah!" suddenly his body jerked and he gave another cry of pain, then his body collapsed on the floor and he was still. Everyone was holding their breath and my mind and heart were racing 90 to fuckin nothing...Yavanna? As in the Vala of the Earth and all things growing? A blue plant with nine leaves, what in the fuck is going on here?

"Estel!" Elladan had fear written on his face as he shook him gently. We all looked on in shock as a small smile came to Aragorn's lips.

"Raynne. I love her so much. I miss her. Where is she? Has she come yet? She told me she would." he shook his head, but the smile remained. "She was so happy that she was going to be able to see all of you."

"For Valar's sake get him to a room and let us try to find something to cure this! Or at least something to hold off whatever this sue has done to him!" Elrond commanded. Two elves stepped forward and helped Aragorn up. I couldn't believe this had happened. I watched as they took him up the stairs.

"Oh! And don't let Arwen see him!" I called after them. My eyes drifted back to everyone around me. Glorfindel was pacing. The twins and Elrond were looking to me. I twisted the sleeves of my tunic again and bit my lip. "Alright...so Aragorn was attacked by a Sue. There's some kind of magic that rests on him. I don't know if it's inside of him or caused from the kiss marks. He was calling out that name. It clearly had too many crazy letters in it. She is still out there."

"And Estel said she was going to come see all of us." Elrohir hissed. Elrond nodded.

"Elladan, Elrohir, both of you go with Jay and hunt for the plant that Aragorn spoke of. You'll be responsible for her protection." he looked over at Lord Balrog Slayer. "Glorfindel, stay here and watch the gates. Keep your eyes open for anything unnatural. Singing, hoof beats, incessant giggling..._anything_."

Holy shit Elrond was not playing around. Glorfindel nodded and turned around, beginning to bark orders to some of the elven guards. Elrond looked back at me and the twins. "I would suggest praying to Yavanna first." he looked to be in thought for a moment, then took a breath and looked at me. "Make haste, Jay. We do not know how severe this is."

"Right. Got it. And you should tell Farad to keep an eye on Arwen. If a sue is loose and she's after Aragorn, she'll do everything she can to try and get rid of Arwen or make her forget." I took a deep breath and looked at the twins. "Are you guys ready?" Elladan and Elrohir looked at each other, then at me and nodded.

"We're ready." Elrohir said. They still had their weapons strapped onto them and everything. I bit my lip and nodded.

"Alright then." I looked around at the elves. "I NEED A HORSE."

Oh I sounded like Thor!

Ah! No! Shut up brain this is fucking serious!

"I have them right here!" an elf called out as he brought three horses. Damn...that was a lot faster than I thought it would be. "A few scouts were going to be sent off but since Lord Glorfindel needs them here, you can have their horses." ah. Well that answers that question.

"You know how to ride a horse, Jay?" Elrohir asked. I stepped forward and took the reins of a pretty dapple grey and white horse.

"Yeah dude. I can thank my dad for that one. Been riding since I was five. We don't own horses but my cousin did and riding is something you don't forget. Now let's go!" I stepped into the stirrup and swung up into the saddle. The twins followed in suit.

"Hya!" Elrohir was the first one out.

"Noro lim!" I have always wanted to say and use those words. Never been a more perfect time than now because the horse can ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND ME. The horse snorted and took off without me having to nudge him or speak to him again and I was so proud of myself.

"Jay!" oh that was Elladan. I bet he's shocked. Good he should be. It's about time I gave that sarcastic pretty boy a run for his money.

"What?" I called back to him. He rode up beside me.

"Did you just speak elvish?" his eyes were wide and he had a surprised look on his face.

"Yeah bro! It's just a little bit that I know. Look it's not a big deal we should follow your brother although I'm pretty sure none of us have any idea where we are going."

Oh... Oh that's probably why Elrond said to pray to Yavanna first...

"Wait...Wait! Elrohir hold up!" I called after him, pulling on the reins of my horse and making him come to a stop. Elladan stopped beside me and Elrohir stopped as well, turning around and riding back.

"What is it?" he asked. "Time is of the essence."

Yes. I know dear. Does every elf play captain obvious?

"Ugh. Look I know. I'm just as worried about Aragorn as you guys are but dudes, we have no idea where we are going. I need to pray to Yavanna like Elrond and Aragorn said but I have no idea where or how to start." Is there a special chant? Something specific that I need to do? The twins exchanged a look, then they both dismounted.

Ok...Guess that's my cue to follow in suit. I dismounted as well and looked at the two expectantly. Elrohir grabbed the reins of the horses and nodded at his brother. Elladan stepped forward towards me.

"For starters, I would suggest surrounding yourself with trees. Nature in general. Walk a little ways away and find a good place to sit and meditate to yourself." he instructed.

"Yeah...Ok that makes sense." I mean it really did. Yavanna was all about nature and quiet time and trees and stuff...I just really hope this was gonna work and that it wasn't the product of poor Aragorn's delusions. "Alright." I took a deep breath and nodded, then walked away from Elladan and Elrohir. The forest on the outskirts of Rivendell was beautiful, but I really had to focus. Aragorn needed us and whatever plant, if it was even real.

After a few more steps I came to a good spot. Flowers, lush green grass, tall trees. I looked behind me and could still see the twins through the bushes. Yeah. This spot would be good. I sat down on the foliage and crossed my legs Indian style. I used to meditate some after I had a rough day at school, complete with incense and everything...maybe this would work...Just maybe.

I closed my eyes and relaxed my body but sat up straight. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Slow breaths, calm breaths, focus on the wind in the trees and the sounds of the forests... the warm sun against my back...

Yes...This was beautiful. I would have to remember to do this again.

Relax...Relax...Breathe...Listen...

Listen.

"_Greetings, young one. You called?"_

_Reviews are love! :'D I crave reviews. Please Please! Now Imma go pass out and get the sleep I need. Nighty night~_


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